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-- Bun-Bun: That depends, can I get a alfalfa margarita? Torg (annoyed): *You got two forms of ID?* -- Biker (sitting to Torg's right): ... so then my scooter got out from under me. *Wham!* Right into a car. -- Another Biker: Wow, you're lucky to be alive! Trash your bike? Biker: Nah, it was a Yugo. -- Bun-Bun: Harleys suck because they are too damn loud, and you look like a dork in that outfit! -- Torg (being attacked by the biker): *It was the rabbit! It was the rabbit!* -- (Torg sits at the bar torn up, beat up, and bruised) -- Torg: *What the hell is your problem?* Bun-Bun: If you are looking for an apology, forget it. I am only making observations. -- Torg: Well no more observations on big muscle-bound guys. Agreed? Bun-Bun: Agreed. -- Bun-Bun (to a girl with muscular boyfriend wearing a shirt that says "Bold's Gym"): *Hey chicky! Nice butt. I like your butt. Can I grab your butt?* | Flag | ||||
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Torg: Aylee's not as tireless in this new form. I don't think she can last one-on-one with Bun-bun anymore! -- Kiki (leaning over the top wing of the triplane): Thanks for letting Aylee rest on your plane, Bun-bun! She was getting tired! -- Bun-bun: *URK! I'll give you "Yer welcome" just as soon... as I point this...* -- Bun-Bun: *URK! ...as I point this...* -- Bun-Bun (armed crossed and pouting): Damn these limited-swivel machine-guns! You guys got a screwdriver on you? Kiki and Aylee: Nope. Bun-bun: *Dammit!* | Flag | ||||
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<BEEP> -- (Bun-bun flips overhead on a skateboard from one skateboard ramp, dropping the bottle of explosive juice onto the agents, and landing on the other skateboard ramp, which bears graffiti that reads "Fear the Bunny") -- Bun-bun (off panel): Tell the fat-man I prefer my carrots shredded, not stewed. -- <****BOOM****> -- Kids: *Whoooaaaah!* Bun-Bun: Here's your board back, kid. -- Squishydodo (in disguise and pretending to read the "Elf News", the top story is "Santa's Hit Squad Claims Another"...): Smooth as always, Number One. I've been asked to give you this folder we're referring to as /"SecretNoteNote"./ -- Bun-bun: Later, toots! Business calls. James Bond chick: But wait! I do not even know your name! -- Bun-bun: Bun. [Dramatic pause] BUN Bun. -- Title Panel: Sluggy Freelance presents Black Ops Bun-bun in SNOWFINGER | Flag | ||||
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<**KA-CLICK**> Cloney (off panel; for now aka Aylee): I know who you are. -- Bun-Bun: And you kicked me and my boys out of our home and messed with our stuff while I was trapped in some stupid dimension. You know what a lousy homecoming that was? -- Cloney (a giant shadowy figure): I understand and I'm sorry. Would ten thousand dollars cover it? Bun-Bun: Huh? -- Cloney: Us fighting here in my place of business, a lose-lose for me. Ten G's in an offshore account as an apology from me to you. Bun-Bun: Works for me. Cloney: Don't trouble yourself with the vents. You can walk out the front door. Tell Torg; if I find him nosing in my business again I'm going to gnaw his head off. -- Torg (in the hall): *You came back for me!* Bun-bun (poinging past): Aylee says to go right in. <Poing> | Flag | ||||
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Bun-Bun (sitting on the sink): She'll be fine. At least physically. You know those mental scars never fade. -- Bun-Bun: Actually I take that back. Mental fading is Kiki's specialty. Gwynn: You expect me to believe there's a physical location for the concept of Halloween? Bun-Bun: Why, *that* would be as ridiculous as my shadow trying to look like you with a sword in your head! (The shadow is posing as Gwynn with a sword in her head) -- Gwynn: Why are you telling me this? Bun-bun: I might need you. Keep Torg and the skirt busy with the Halloween party. I'll take care of our resident alien. -- Gwynn: I know you never really know what's going on in a conspiracy, but shouldn't I at least /think/ I know something? Bun-bun: It's overrated. Gwynn: I want out. Bun-bun: Nobody gets out. Besides, how would you know? Gwynn: Good point. | Flag | ||||
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-- Hannibal: No, but check out the crew's quarters, Face! -- Face: No more three to a bunk! Murdock: Darn. -- Bun-Bun: Are we ready to set sail Mr. Skyme? Mr. Skyme: I've assembled a list of problems to attend to before we get underway. Bun-Bun: First up? -- Mr. Skyme: The first mate is quite irate at you for locking his friends and family in the ships' holds and dooming those that remain in the time-weakened village he called home. Bun-Bun (scratching himself): Give him a double portion of ice-cream at tonight's supper. -- Mr. Skyme: Aye-aye Cap'n. Secondly there's the matter of what we found in Cap'n Donaly's hold. Some of the other pirates are superstitious about *Caribs* and want him tossed overboard immediately. -- Bun-Bun: /*"Some"*/ of the other pirates? Mr. Skyme: Ok, Crazy Ingles. Bun-Bun: Double ice-cream for him. Mr. Skyme: Aye-aye Cap'n. -- Mr. Skyme: The third one is most important, we're a little short on crew for both the Laser Sword /and/ the Bloody Bun. Bun-Bun: That is planned for. Tell the crew to quit dangling what's left of the Laser Sword's crew over the sides by their ankles and bring me Captain Donaly. -- Jaspers (swinging): This /*is*/ better than the hold, Feder! -- Jaspers: The blood rushin' to me head is making me giddy! -- Jaspers: *WEEEEEEE!* Feder: Once I kill you this'll be better than the hold, Jaspers. | Flag | ||||
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Torg: You can't, but there's a way you can help. Doctor Steve has Oasis hypnotized or brainwashed or something. The key is his watch. When he talks into his watch, she obeys. So go get it and bring it to me! -- Torg: Move quickly, Kiki! Doctor Steve seems a bit unstable. I don't know how long I have left. -- Torg: And that's "watch", not "crotch"! Don't screw it up this time! -- Torg: That was one embarrassing magic show, I can tell you. -- Steve (to his watch): *Oasis, on my mark, execute action F-2.* -- (Oasis does a handstand on the balance beam) -- Steve (off panel): *NOW!* <**CRAKSNAP!**> (Oasis somersaults through the air, snapping off the mannequin's head) -- (Oasis stands on the balance beam; the mannequin falls one way, it's head falling the other way) -- Kiki: Excuse me, could you tell me the time? Steve: Why, sure, it's... -- Steve: **HEY! GET BACK HERE!** <Poing Poing Poing> (Kiki runs off, the watch in her mouth) -- Caption: Five minutes later... <**WOOOOSH**> (Kiki running through a door) -- <scramble, scramble> Kiki: Bun-Bun! I got the watch from Dr. Steve! I zig-zagged around and lost him so he wouldn't find me back here! With the watch, Torg says we can control Oasis! -- <Poing> <Poing> Kiki: *STAY GOOD, OASIS! STAY GOOD!* Bun-Bun: Pipe down, tube rat. The watch won't work. The system is attuned to his voice alone. -- Kiki: Can we tuna it to our voices? Bun-Bun: What do you think I'm doing hiding up here observing everything for? I would have just grabbed the watch and Oasis for myself if it were that easy. Shhhh, here he comes. -- Steve (pulling out another watch): *Oasis, begin dance training, and prepare to execute action F-5.* -- Bun-Bun (whispering): Dr. Steve looks beat. He's just about done running her through hoops. While they sleep, we move in and take over. -- Kiki (whispering): Oasis looks nice, but she's a monster! (thought bubble of Oasis snapping Torg's head off <crak> <snap>) Bun-Bun (whispering): I know what you're thinking, Kiki. (thought bubble of Oasis robbing a bank) | Flag | ||||
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Bun-Bun: "Small lot of land" my fuzzy butt. Torg: We've been walking for hours! Where we're going, Bun-Bun? Bun-Bun (whispering): A tome of /"shadows"/.... Bun-Bun: That copse of trees. -- Torg: Did you say /"Tome of Shadows?"/ Bun-Bun: Yeah, it's buried somewhere around here, and trees provide shadow. -- Bun-Bun: Another clue is the shadow guardians making s'mores there. Shadow Creature #2: We are spotted. I told you the fire was a bad idea. Fire is of the light. Shadow Creature Tim: There can be no shadow without light. Nor can there be s'mores. | Flag | ||||
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(Daggerfish and Calix square off; Daggerfish with his two swords drawn, and Calis holding two axes) -- Daggerfish: "Let's see the slaughter" be more like it! You may be out of luck, boy! Firstly I'm no log of wood for your little axes; Secondly I have more than twice the reach. -- <**THUNK!**> (One of Calix's axes lands in the middle of Daggerfish's skull, splitting his hat in the process) -- <**THUD.**> Bun-Bun (leaning over to look at Daggerfish's body): OOOoooohhh. I liked that hat. Calix (aiming his second ax straight at Bun-Bun): Now *you!* -- <**POING**> (Bun-Bun poings up onto the rope just as the ax reaches his vicinity and cuts the rope) <**CHOP!**> <Twang> -- (Bun-Bun swings on the rope; his switchblade drawn) -- Bun-Bun (blade at Calix's throat): "Now me" /what?/ Calix: /Ohhh/ I feel the first stage of my trial coming on again! | Flag | ||||
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=== Bun-Bun: /Ugh./ *Hey, I can move again!* Where am I? Torg: In the back of an AyleeOrgNet.Com SUV we borrowed. Now we're going home. You're lucky Kiki showed us where to find you, Bun-Bun! She saved your... Bun-Bun: *Do not finish that sentence.* -- Bun-Bun: What happened to you? Torg: We got everybody out before the place exploded. Except for Oasis. She was dead. </Flashback> (Schlock driving the SUV out) -- Torg: Then I realized, I know Oasis seems to die and come back, but I didn't know if she needed her body in one piece or what, so... Bun-Bun: So you ran back after her. Too late, right? </Flashback> (The SUV's door is open and Torg is running toward the building) -- Torg: I think Oasis'll be fine. This isn't the first time she's been blown up by a self-destruct mechanism in an evil lair before my eyes. </Flashback> (Torg being thrown by the explosion) <**Like, BOOM!***> </Pause flashbacks> -- Bun-Bun: What a Nerd-Boy. Torg: Hey, what's up with me and evil lairs? | Flag | ||||
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-- Everyone but Dex (running away from each other and the kitten): ***YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!*** Kitten: **mew.** Dex: *help... me...* -- Bun-Bun: Those poor, poor bastards. -- Zoë: My God, what *is* that thing? Torg: *Where did it go?* Fay: *It's after Angela!* Max: *Get out of its reach, Angela! Climb that tree! Hurry!* -- (Fay glares at Max) Max: *What?* Cats can't climb trees! -- Max: *Oh, wait,* that's *dogs!* -- (Angela climbs for three panels, each panel focusing closer up on her terror-stricken face) -- Title Panel (on red-stained black): Sluggy Freelance presents... | Kitten -- (Angela is clinging to the end of a tipping tree branch. On the other end...) Kitten: **mew.** <KRIK> -- <**>snap<**> <***CRASH!***> (Angela's end of the branch breaks off) -- Bun-Bun: While it's true, kittens can climb trees, they can't always climb down! -- Kitten: **mew?** -- Zoe: I think it's stuck! Angela: I think I sprained my ankle! Dex: *...guys? ...help?* Max: *Dex-man!* -- Angela: He's going into shock! Zoë: *He's dying!* Max: We've *got* to get him to a doctor! But all we have is Bert's moped! -- Flaky: We need to reach a phone to call an ambulance! Fay: That general store must have a phone! Torg (riding behind Bert on the moped): *We're there!* We'll be back in a flash with help! -- Zoë: *He's convulsing!* Fay: *Strap him to the table in the cabin!* Angela (leaning on Fay): *Elevate his legs!* Max: *Get me 10 cc's of Budweiser, stat!* -- Bun-Bun: So I guess that ends *this* comic... -- Bun-Bun: Well, since we have the extra space, here's an outtake from the cutting room floor: one of the punchlines that didn't make it. --- Dex (across both panels): ****AAAAAAAAAAARGH!*** (*) - (A sketchy sketch of an agonized Dex...) - Zoë: I said check *his pockets* for a cell-phone. Max: I distinctly heard you say the words "the socket"! -- Bun-Bun: *Yeesh!* Thank God we cut *that* joke out! | Flag | ||||
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(Kiki is passed out in the snow; Sam finds her) -- Kiki: Don't come near me! Bun-Bun says I'll make you sick and die! Sam: Not me, Kiki. I'm going to take you home. Kiki: Sam? -- Kiki: No, I have to find Jaya! Bun-Bun says she's dead and she can't be dead. Help me find her? She's in a hospital in "Connedicut". Sam: I'll fly as fast as I can. -- Kiki: *Sam, I'm cold. I don't feel good.* Sam: I'm sorry, Kiki. Sam's not as warm as he used to be. But we'll find the hospital soon. -- Sam: After I drop you off, I'm going to give Bun-Bun a piece of my mind. Kiki: Don't hurt Bun-Bun, he's my friend! Sam: We'll see about that. </End flashback> -- Zoë (tears running down her cheeks): *Poor Kiki!* Riff: I'm off to Connecticut. See you guys. Torg: So then you went to confront Bun-Bun, and found the Doc gone? -- Sam: *Yeah!* I forgot about hurting you! Bun-Bun: Bring it on, Teeth. <**Ka-click!**> | Flag | ||||
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-- Caption: Someplace warm and sunny.) -- Record player: ...The mango tree my bunny and me can watch for the moon underneath the mango tree... <musical note> <musical note> <musical note> <musical note> James Bond Chick: Oh! How romantic of you to order us a schilled bottal of feermented stewed carrots! Bun-bun: It was compliments of the house, my sweet, but I hear company approaching. -- Christmas alien (kicking the door open): *MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE FAT-MAN, RABBIT!* <***KICK***> <**BLAM BLAM BLAM**> -- <**BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM**> -- Christmas alien: They jumped out the window! *After them!* -- James Bond chick (driving them away in a fast car): Who ees thees "fot mon"? Bun-Bun: Let's just call him "Santa Claus". Aim for that ramp. The one on the end of the dock. <**BLAM BLAM**> -- Bun-bun (now fleeing in a boat): Looks like Santa's got himself new muscle. Aim for that water-skiing ramp. The one facing that helicopter. <**BLAM BLAM**> -- Bun-bun (hanging from a "News 50" helicopter): Persistent buggers. On my signal, prepare to stop-drop and roll towards that cushioned ramp facing the motorcycles. James Bond chick (hanging from the same helicopter): Can you not just shoot zem? Bun-bun: Right. Sorry. Fermented carrot juice getting to me. <**BLAM BLAM**> | Flag | ||||
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Bun-bun: *Who the hell are you, and why are you narrating this?* Father Time: I'm Father Time. I narrate a lot. Keeps me sane. -- Bun-Bun: Fair enough. If I don't use the egg, I die with the Shadow. If I use the egg, I lose all my holiday powers, including my connection to the Groundhog's shadow, but it will let me live. You've checkmated me. Father Time: I have nothing to do with this, although I believe the bond between 2003 and Mrs Claus was... strong. -- Bun-bun: So you don't care. Father Time: I only care that time runs smoothly. Beyond that I am indifferent. Except for the Dutch. They tick me off. You're not Dutch, are you? Bun-bun: No. So, after I use this, what'll happen to the Shadow? Will it die as 2003? -- Father Time: The egg will most likely return the Shadow to the Groundhog. 2003's death will be undone. Many deaths will be undone. And who wears wooden shoes? Really? Bun-Bun: Before I use this, while I've got your ear, with your vast knowledge, any idea how to beat the crap out of a stupid Shadow? Father Time: On the Isle of Presque a tome entitled *Wayang* lies buried. It deals with manipulation of shadows. You may find answers there. -- Bun-Bun (twirling the Deus ex Ovum): Never was much for the world domination thing. -- (He tosses the egg) <**SMASH**> -- (Swirly pretty colors) | Flag | ||||
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Bun-Bun: *I'll cut you into stir-fry, you telemarketer bastard!* <**KA-KLICK!**> -- Telemarketer (off panel; over the phone): You...um...already did. You see, I'm dead. A ghost, really. Bun-Bun (eyes wide): A ghost telemarketer? The one I cut into stir-fry? -- Telemarketer (off panel; over the phone): And the charity I spoke of was you. I wanted to tell you that it's not too late to change your evil ways. You will be visited by three spirits. Expect the first one tonight at midnight. Heed them, Bun-Bun, so you might avoid my fate. -- Telemarketer (off panel; over the phone): Your credit card will now be billed $98 a month unless we received a handwritten notice containing the following... (Bun-Bun slams down the phone) <***SLAM!***> -- Bun-Bun: Now I'm *really* pissed. | Flag | ||||
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-- Psyk (off panel): SANTA'S ELF, MR. SQUEEKY-BOBO. -- Horribus: You know of Torg, little elf? Squeekybobo's soul: I know his pet rabbit, Bun-Bun! See, Bun-Bun and my dear boss Santa Claus were having a little war. Santa blew up Bun-Bun, but didn't seem to mind the fact that *I was still in the warehouse!* I'll help you find Torg if you help me seek revenge on Santa! -- Squeekybobo's soul: I'd give *anything* to see that lard ass in pain-pain-PAIN-PAIN-*PAIN!* Horribus: Patience, elf! It might be some time before our attack. And do you not want revenge against this "Bun-Bun" as well? -- Squeekybobo's soul (off panel): Bun-Bun survived the explosion? That's impossible! Nothing could have survived! (Flash to Molly's room, where Bun-Bun docilely sits in a rabbit cage) Molly: Mom, can I play with Mr. Fuzbutt yet? Mom (off panel): The vet says he still needs rest, Molly! | Flag | ||||
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<Poing> Squeeky-bobo: *Bun-Bun!* -- Squeeky-bobo: Yes, it is I, back from the dead to avenge my death! Dawn approaches, so I must return to the Dimension of Pain, but rest assured, as soon as I give them Torg, they will give me *you!* -- Squeeky-bobo: You are on my list, Bun-Bun, enjoy what you can of life. Bun-Bun (grooming himself): Do I know you? Squeeky-bobo: You know Mr. Squeeky-bobo! Bun-Bun: One of Grahammy's friends? You're a Neebler elf, right! -- Squeeky-bobo: *Who the %$#@ is "Grahammy?" I'm Mr. Squeeky-bobo, mother%$#@er! I'm Santa's... -- (He disappears) <**POOF!**> -- Bun-Bun: *Damn undead Neebler elves.* Torg: I thought he was a haunted lawn-gnome | Flag | ||||
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Squishydodo (over the radio): We knew that would happen, Skimpymoomoo. Skimpymoomoo (over the radio): Santa's workshop has been destroyed twice before, once by Bun-bun, once by us. This third incarnation may be more than Bun-Bun expects. The aliens even more than he can fight. Squishydodo (over the radio): Bun-Bun will find a way. -- Alienthingthing (over another radio): Um, Santa? This is Alienthingthing at the front gate. A Mr. Harry Spots has mail-ordered you a Christmas tree. Send it to the wood chipper like the others? Santa (off panel; over the radio): I don't know any "Harry Spots"! -- Alienthingthing: **A trick!** (He leaps at the tree and Bun-bun jumps out the bottom) -- Alienthingthing: I don't see anything suspicious! <**KNOCK-KNOCK**> Alien guard #2: Wait! The tree trunk sounds hollow! (Bun-bun removes a "missile launcher" from the hollow tree trunk) <**doomf!**> -- Alien guard #2: It's hollow, but it's empty. Alienthingthing: *IT'S OK EVERYONE! FALSE ALARM!* | Flag | ||||
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Gwynn: So? -- Zoë (putting her hands behind her head and sexily stretching to show off her carefully sculpted abs): All we've been doing is lying out in the sun. Gwynn (turning sideways and flirtily flipping her hair): And? -- Zoë: Well, shouldn't we be trying to *accomplish* something? Gwynn: Like what? -- (The Prez puts one hand on Zoë's shoulder, and the other hand holds out a clipboard labeled "Skripts") Label (pointing to the hand): Special Guest Star, the Prez! Zoë (reading): *"Gratuitous Bikini-Shot Sunday?"* Yeah, like that'll happen. -- (a yacht on the ocean, flying a Bunny Skull & Bones pirate flag; the raft floating alongside it) -- Harold (at the end of the plank, tied to Helen, his wife): Please ... um ... *Captain Bun!* Don't make us walk the plank tied up like this! We'll drown! Bun-Bun (wearing a tricornered pirate hat): *Har! That tis the point!* -- <Poing> Bun-Bun (poinging to the end of the plank and poking them with his switchblade): *And here be another!* <POINK!> Harold: ****AAAAH!**** -- <***SPLASH!***> Jaya (looking overboard): We're not gonna let them drown, are we? Kiki: Naw, Bun-Bun just pretends to be mean! -- Kiki: See! He shoved them off into the shallows! They're fine! (Harold and Helen are sitting in the ocean, still tied up; the water doesn't even come up to their waists) -- Bun-Bun (startled): *Shallows? Kiki! Turn the boat before we run aground!!!* -- <***CRASH!***> -- Kiki (while Bun-Bun fumes at her): But... I thought... you'd want... the yacht... in the shallows... -- Kiki: Alright, I'll walk the plank again. <Poing> Bun-Bun: *And when you get down there, roll those two lard-asses into the deep end!* | Flag | ||||
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Bun-Bun: Yes we did. Torg: Now we're homeward bound? -- Bun-Bun: Nope! Pennsylvania. That's where the shadow I'm after is. And it's also where Dr. Steve's base was. Maybe one of his spare Oasis-control watches too. Sound good? -- Torg: I've got to call Zoë. Bun-Bun: So pick up your cell phone and call her. -- Torg: It's not that easy, Bun-Bun! Bun-Bun: *Oh, come on!!!* -- Torg: No, I mean it's dangerous! A lot has changed since you've been away. State laws are popping up everywhere making it illegal to call without a hands-free device! -- Torg (holding up an earpiece): Which I happen to have! -- Torg: I just plug this in and... -- Torg: Call Zoë! *CALL ZOH-WEEE!!!* -- Torg (annoyed): Call Zoë! ... *Phone?* -- Torg: Must have popped it in the wrong jack again. *Come on! Stay in my ear for once!* -- Torg: I've either got it in the wrong jack or the voice activation is turned off... -- <sssssss> (The car has run into a tree; next to the tree, a sign says "Duhm Bass Woods") -- Sign: Over the Barrel | Gas ~n~ Sass CASH CREDIT REG. $?.?? $?.?? UNLEAD. $?.?? $?.?? SUPER $?.?? $?.?? ----------------------- Empty yer pock[et] and we'll ta[lk] -- Cashier: You the idiot who wrapped his car around a tree while making a phone call? Torg (who looks rather battered, and is buying a jar of "Jumbo Aspirin"): Just ring it up. -- Cashier (off panel; from inside the store): Hey, Earl, does that ferret look familiar? Earl (off panel; from inside the store): The one that pooped in the coffee pot? Cashier (off panel; from inside the store): *What?!?* No, Earl! The one that pooped in the cinder-block we keep the restroom key tied to! Earl (off panel; from inside the store): /*(*)I'm(*)*/ saying that ferret that just pooped in the coffee pot is the /*same*/ one that pooped in the cinderblock? -- Cashier (off panel; from inside the store): OHhhh... *Hey!!!* Torg (walking out the door): The sign said coffee "pot" not "potty!" Kiki: Thought it was a breeveeashun. -- Cashier (off panel; from inside the store): *Get my shotgun, Earl!* Torg (now running): Hope Bun-Bun has that car ready! Kiki: Torg's feets don't fail me now! | Flag |
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