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Apprentice Fate Spider: Did you think she would go to Torg because of his marriage proposal years ago? I thought it would be according to Irving Schlock's plan. -- Fate Spider: "Torg?" "Feng?" We're responsible for billions upon billions, and you take time to learn individual names? You /*do*/ have a lot to learn, Apprentice! Apprentice Fate Spider: Clearly, since it was /*my*/ idea to manipulate the Lines of Fate. And now we are both /murderers!/ -- Fate Spider: We didn't make anybody do anything they wouldn't have done. We just slightly adjusted their situation. -- Apprentice Fate Spider: Feng and the drunken loose-lipped agent would have never been in the same bar at the same time if not for us. Fate Spider: It put him on the path to rescue his family. Apprentice Fate Spider: It put him on the path to his /*Death.*/ -- Fate Spider: And what would have happened if we hadn't stepped in? You know the names, so tell me! -- Apprentice Fate Spider: Feng would never know what happened to the Zalias. Irving Schlock would have ordered Kusari to execute Ms. Zalia to show they "meant business," holding on to Katie Zalia for leverage over Oasis. And Schlock would have had a change of heart at the last moment, sparing Ms. Zalia. | Oasis would stop at nothing to save the Zalias. Schlock's plans and his life would be forfeit. The forces of the Great Tangle would continue to tighten. The Fate Web would snap. It all would end. Fate Spider: Is that the outcome you want? -- Apprentice Fate Spider: Of /*course*/ not. It is still /wrong!/ Oasis is one of the few things that operate outside of the Web! You taught me that! She will do what she will do and in the end the Web may break anyway! Fate Spider: The Lines have no sway over her but I assure you she has her own rules that govern her. | We have pointed Oasis in a new direction that will set "Torg" on his path. Many more will die along the way. Shall we be murderers of them all, Apprentice? -- Apprentice Fate Spider: *Don't muddy this! We moved Feng where we did *TO* have him die, a crucial distinction I *KNOW* you see!* Fate Spider: I /*see*/ the Great Tangle loosening as we speak! This discussion is /irrelevant!/ -- Fate Spider: For the first time in years I know /*hope.*/ You can know /*names.*/ -- Apprentice Fate Spider: The name of the next person we murder is Erin. Footnote: bROKEN | Part 6 "Breaking Bullet" End === NOTE: Feng's _"Good Fortune"_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=090304>... Last time we saw the _Fate Spiders_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=090130>... _Schlock, holding gun, remarking on Feng_<http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=090311>... | Flag | ||||
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Fate Spider's web: SOME NIFTY NERD-BOY Fate Spider: So what do you remember? -- Torg (in his (current) torn and shabby shirt): I remember a wave of heat. No light or fire, just heat. And I couldn't breathe. And then I'm here. | Am I dead? Fate Spider: Oh, no. Not yet. There are things you are destined to do and things you shouldn't do and I'd be lying if I said they weren't the same. -- Torg (in his Wayang Kulit jacket): That was intentionally vague and useless to me! This must be a /premonition of the future!/ Fate Spider (as a bug with a long proboscis): Since I lost my career, I decided to try to work out this thing as a freelancer! Unlike my ex-boss, I'm focusing on the little details. And I think you might be the biggest little detail of them all! -- Fate Spider (as K'Z'K in bug form, singing): <musical note> When it <musical note> crumb-balllssss!!!! Torg (in his T-shirt and plaid shirt): A talking spider ranting about his day-job while breaking into Adele Bond songs? I'm not dead and this is not a premonition. It's a wacky Chinese-food induced dream! -- Torg (still in his T-shirt and plaid shirt): So I gotta ask, why is it you talk to me with a dude's voice but then break into song like... Fate Spider (as Meander in bug form): <musical note> Let the sky falllll! <musical note> Torg: Yeah, like that, like a chick? Fate Spider (as Meander in bug form): Does it matter whether you perceive me as male or female when the entire web is in danger? -- Torg (still in his T-shirt and plaid shirt): The internet's in */danger?!?/ We have to do something!* Fate Spider (as Fluffy, singing): When it crumb-<musical note>balllssss!!!! <musical note> Torg: Not that! That's getting annoying. -- Fate Spider: So anway [sic: should be "anyway"]... Let <musical note> the sky fallll! <musical note> Torg (back in his current torn shirt): I take it back. I did die and I'm in hell. -- (In the dark, barely visible is the midriff region of Teresa, with a cracked myPhone lying near her hand) -- (The myPhone lights up) Teresa's myPhone: Let the sky fallllll! When <musical note> it crumb-balllssss!!!! <musical note> Teresa's myPhone screen: INCOMING CALL | <Monicruel's picture> | BIG SIS -- (In the dim light of the myPhone is Teresa's midriff, with the now lit and cracked myPhone lies near her hand) Teresa's myPhone screen: YOU HAVE 27 NEW VOICEMAILS | YOU HAVE 32 UNREAD MESSAGES === NOTE: Since we're not sure if Torg is dead, having a premonition, or dreaming, who knows if these refs are pertinent? Or which ones to use? Anywho: _Charlotte_ <http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070016/> | _Fate Spider_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20050816> | _Bug_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20000604> | _Fluffy_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20010506> | _What happens when you type Fate Spider into the Sluggy Nifty Search_ <http://sluggy.info/search/?s=fate+spider>. | Flag | ||||
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-- Fate 'Spider' Apprentice: I thought the web takes care of itself. Fate Spider: There are the rarest of things that operate outside the web. Don't you know anything about... -- Fate Spider: /*gasp!* You're not even a spider!/ Fate 'Spider' Apprentice: Am too! Fate Spider: Are not! Fate 'Spider' Apprentice: Can't you count my eight legs?!? (The praying mantice-like insect stands up to reveal a belted on extra pair of legs and the symbol of Chilus on its belly) -- Fate Spider: Is this a put-on? Am I being punked? Fake Fate 'Spider' Apprentice: Geez, the old Fate Spider can't even count. No /wonder/ this place is such a mess! | Flag | ||||
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-- Apprentice Fate Spider (dropping down on a spider-silk thread): Hi! I'm your new apprentice! Fate Spider: Joy. Let's cut to the doom. Tell me what you know about being a Fate Spider. -- Apprentice: I know to watch my step! The last guy was an insect who managed to screw up economies all over the world by tripping on some weblines! -- Fate Spider: No, not really. Everything was already set to go south. He nudged things that probably would have happened anyway. No matter how much we Fate Spiders want to control fate, we can't. We just try to keep it clean. -- Apprentice: So he had /*nothing*/ to do with it? -- Fate Spider: It was like a line of toppling dominoes. He just accidentally moved one in place allowing the chain reaction. It would have happened anyway probably. Apprentice: Probably? -- Fate Spider: Yes. Apprentice: Sounds like /*"moving one domino"*/ could really affect the outcome. -- Fate Spider: I... I never thought of that! -- Apprentice: Maybe /*you*/ should be /*MY apprentice!*/ Fate Spider: Maybe you should kiss my spinnerets. | Flag | ||||
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<**SLAM**> -- Fate Spider's Roomy: At least I have a fat savings account so I'll be able to cover /*my*/ half of the rent! Fate Spider (off panel): I'll figure some way to cover my half, Roomy. Something else seems to be bothering you. Fate Spider's Roomy: *Right you are!* -- Fate Spider's Roomy: /*What's up with friending my ex-girlfriend on *My Face Diary?**/ Fate Spider (off panel): I kind of have an open-friend policy. -- Fate Spider's Roomy (raising a shoe in a threatening manner): Maybe you should have an *open-/brain/* policy! I love you like a brother but sometimes I feel like I should /*squash*/ you! Fate Spider: Yeah, sometimes I feel like I deserve to be squashed. (A coffee mug on the table near the Fate Spider has the words "Bug Juice" on it) | Flag | ||||
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-- Father Time: You could always do some consulting work on the fate lines. Fate Spider (next to a mug labeled 'bug juice'): Oh no. I'm out. When everything comes crashing down I don't want any responsibility for it. I'd rather spend my last few days enjoying myself. -- Father Time: This is 'enjoying yourself?' Fate Spider: Not since I lost my job at the bank. But I'm not going back to being the Fate Spider. -- Father Time: That job is taken. It is just that your replacement could use some of your wisdom. Fate Spider: Care to elaborate? Father Time: Well, for one thing I can't seem to find him. Fate Spider: Clearly he's wiser than me. Father Time: oh Ha-Ha. === NOTE: _Fate Spider Ref_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=050816> | Flag | ||||
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Father Time: You sought to keep Hereti-Corp and the Cult of K'Z'K away from each other by arranging the death of a woman named Erin. -- (A picture of Nash Straw / Reynold Strom) Father Time: "The Strawman" has investigated and is now knocking on the cult's back door while in the employ of Hereti-Corp. Behold, the tangle tightens more! -- Father Time: I thought I could trust you. I asked you out of retirement to train an apprentice. I only now see what you have done. So this is really /my/ fault. Yet /*you*/ will suffer the shame of it all. *YOU ARE "ex-FATE SPIDER" NO MORE!* From now until the end of time all shall know you as... -- Father Time: ***ex-EX-Fate-Spider!*** -- Ex-EX-Fate-Spider: That's it? "ex-EX-Fate-Spider"? Apprentice Fate Spider: Is that a double negative? Doesn't that *make* him "Fate Spider"? -- Father Time: It means you totally aren't the Fate Spider. Like ever again even. Ex-EX-Fate-Spider: Yeah, well my fake I.D. says my name is "Carl Wonkstein" and that's all I need to function in the great state of New York. You do realize that keeping those two organizations apart was "Plan B" right? Plan A is in motion. -- Fate Spider: The one called Torg has been set on his path. And when he finishes off Oasis once and for all, the fate web will survive intact. I shall be redeemed, and you shall look the fool. Fate Spider: And before I go I have *one tiny little question* to ask of you, Father Time. And I /*demand*/ an answer. -- Fate Spider: Jobs are tough in this economy. Can I put you down as a reference? Father Time: /This/ bridge is burned, "Carl". Don't let the fate-door smack your chelicerae on the way out. Ex-EX-Fate-Spider: Lame -- Apprentice Fate Spider: Poor ex-EX-Fate Spider. What do we do now? Father Time: Absolutely nothing. We just sit back and watch, and see what fate has in store for us. Apprentice Fate Spider: It freaks me out when you talk like that. Father Time: I know, right? Footer: bROKEN | Part 8 "bURNED" | End === NOTE: _Reference_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20090520> | Flag | ||||
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Father Time: I sent the mole people a fruitcake so all has been made right with them. Fate Spider (formerly Apprentice Fate Spider): But what of the dinosaurs? -- Father Time: The dinosaurs existed before the web, and so they operate outside of it. You know how dangerous that can be. Plus they pun. They must be destroyed. Fate Spider (formerly Apprentice Fate Spider): Surely there is another way? Father Time: The plan has already been set in motion. /Nothing/ can stop it now. -- Tigh: *Bronta!* They just put a vending machine filled with sugary soft drinks in the dino high school cafeteria! Bronta: *Huzzah!* Footnote: Fin? | Flag | ||||
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-- Fate Spider: The dominoes are already poised to fall. Move one domino out, stop one outcome. Set up one domino, cause another. /It just might work./ | See here? /*Here*/ are some things we can /*influence!*/ -- Apprentice: Thanks for teaching me this, boss! Fate Spider: I'm just learning this myself! I've never had to do this! I've also never had one tangle so *treacherous.* -- (All of the strands reach towards a single endpoint in the distance) Apprentice: What makes it so /*Treacherous?*/ Fate Spider: It endangers All of us. Everything. Fate Spider: The entire web will become broken. Footnote: bROKEN | Part 3 | "The Spider's Apprentice" | End | Flag | ||||
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Fate Spider: So is that it, Apprentice? Are you done "Chronicling?" Is that the end of the story? -- Apprentice: Yes. As you said, "Everything /*else*/ that will be /will/ be." | Until the next time "we" decide to meddle in the lines of the Web. -- Father Time: **THERE WILL *NOT* /BE/ A NEXT TIME!** Fate Spider: *Father Time!* -- Father Time: **What you have done is unforgivable!** Fate Spider: Father Time, I only worked to loosen the Great Tangle that threatened... -- Father Time: ****SILENCE!**** (The Web shakes) -- Father Time: The Tangle is tightening once again! You have accomplished nothing but death and sorrow! Fate Spider: h-h-h-... How? === NOTE: Random Spider Refs: _1_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/090427> | _2_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20090128> | _3_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/090112> | Flag | ||||
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(The Fate Spider is holding two legs above the web; at the tip of one leg glows the HeretiCorp logo, at the tip of the other leg glows the Chilus Cult (K'Z'K) logo) -- Father Time: Watch your tone with me, spider. TWO colliding forces? There are trillions of forces for me to contend with, I cannot focus on two. -- Fate Spider (shaking a spider 'fist' at Father Time): Yeah, you're really not a "details" guy are you? Father Time: I counted eight legs and thought he was a spider. Sue me. Did you fire him? Fate Spider: I chewed him out. | Flag | ||||
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Fate Spider (formerly Apprentice Fate Spider): Father Time, if the Web had already snapped, if we couldn't do our job, the displacement-dirve would have continued to the core of the planet, triggering the elimination of all life on it? Father Time: Perhaps. Now do you understand the importance of the web? Fate Spider (formerly Apprentice Fate Spider): *sigh* "Perhaps." Also is this /*actually*/ the *"Valley that Time Forgot?"* Father Time: That is a cavern, not a valley. And I forget nothing! There's an occasional typographical error in temporal accounting but... | /Dinosaurs?/ Are those /****DINOSAURS!?!****/ | /**SOMEONE GET ME TEMPORAL ACCOUNTING! STAT!**/ | Flag | ||||
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-- Fate Spider: Hello? Current Fate Spider? The web takes care of itself with just a little bit of maintenance you know! Apprentice Fate Spider: I'm trying but I've been a little tied up lately. -- Fate Spider: How long have you been there? Apprentice Fate Spider: Not long, a few months. I tripped on the home mortgage line and got tangled in this banking line, I think. No big deal. | Flag | ||||
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Uncle Tempest, God of Fate (aka Uncle Time): You know, same-old, same-old. If it was full of surprises it wouldn't be fate, would it? I'm not getting that hug, am I? Sluggy: /Surprise./ Gwynn/Queen Siphaniana: He's a spider, and he's your uncle, so /you're part spider?!?/ Dunuloa: No, no, we just /call/ him uncle. He's like family. -- Dunuloa: Also he's not totally right in the head. Gwynn/Queen Siphaniana: Did he try on one of your necklaces? -- (Dunuloa glares at Gwynn/Queen Siphaniana) -- Gwynn/Queen Siphaniana: So if he's the God of Fate, why does he call himself 'Uncle Time'? Dunuloa: That's a new thing. He seems convinced now that he's /*actually*/ family. You know, the brother of Father Time?" [sic: extra quotation mark there?] Believe me, we're not spiders. My father humors him because they've been close for so long. -- Dunuloa: Besides, Time and Fate are irrevocably intertwined. By managing the fate web he manages both. So 'Uncle Time' isn't far off. He has much on his sholders [sic: should be "shoulders"]. -- Dunuloa: Maybe we all owe Uncle Tempest a little more respect, even if he /*is*/ a little kooky. Gwynn/Queen Siphaniana: So if something was out of place in fate or time and needed fixing...? Dunuloa: Uncle Tempest'd be the one to fix it. Why do you ask? -- Gwynn/Queen Siphaniana (approaching Uncle Tempest with her arms open): *Who wants a hug?* | Flag | ||||
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Fate Spider: Chronicle away! -- Fate Spider/Chronicle: Oasis has had a busy morning. She's murdered five people. She had no choice, they bore the "Hereti-Corp" logo on their clothes, but somewhere in the back of her mind she feels bad about it. | Oasis is wondering how Torg is. | She doesn't know that Torg and Gwynn are on their way to the address of one "E. Driscoll," a scientist who worked on the Oasis file years ago, because Torg is wondering /what/ Oasis is. -- (In a pose reminiscent of the opening to "bROKEN" Torg is standing by the side of the road, his hands on his hips; Gwynn sitting on the other side of the car, in a semi-reclining position, holding a tire labeled "Spare") Torg: Come on! We want to make it to Driscoll's house before lunch time. Gwynn: I've never changed a flat tire before in my life! -- Torg: It's time you learned. You wanted to be my wingman on this since Riff had a breakthrough on his robot-thingy. Being an investigative adventurer requires a lot of hands-on experience. -- Gwynn (scowling): I was curious to know more about the zombies from the lab, but not curious enough to deal with this! Call a tow truck or a mechanic or something! -- Torg: No. I forgot to charge my cellphone last night and I'm saving the batteries to call Riff when we learn the truth about Oasis from Driscoll, assuming she'll talk to us. Gwynn: So you /would/ call otherwise, which means... -- Gwynn: *Ah-ha!* You don't know how to change a flat tire either! Torg: If I had Zombie-Head-On-A-Stick here I could loosen the lugnuts! -- Fate Spider/Chronicle: Once upon a time Torg called Kesandru House "home." | When he proposed to Oasis many years ago, in order to protect Zoƫ from her jealousy, he gave her the address to Kesandru House, and waited for her to arrive. | Now there is nothing left of Kesandru House but this empty lot, and beneath that, Riff's secret underground lab. And Oasis has finally arrived. | Oasis is wondering /where/ Torg is. (Oasis sits on the lot of what used to be Kesandru house; behind her is a mailbox and a hole (leading to Riff's underground lab) in front of a hedge separating this lot from the others) === NOTE: Torg _gives the address to Oasis_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=020218> | Kesandru House _Destroyed_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=070222> | "_Names of the Other Scientists_<http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=090227>" who worked on the Oasis File /uncovered!/ | Flag | ||||
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Bini (inside the Tower of Time): With everything going on fate-wise today, I'm saddled with Sarcophagus Maintenance? -- Bini: "Clean interior of Coffin of a Hundred Zeroes..." urgh. Latch seems stuck... -- <***POP!***> Googol: **HEY SALLY!** Bini: *Ack! Undead Spider Mummy! And my name's not Sally,* its *Bini!* Bini the *Fate Spider!* -- Googol: I'm not undead. Just in stasis. I'm awoken for an hour or two every 50 years to check on things. So you change every time, and I stay Googol. Calling you Sally gives me some stability. It's been a heck of a week for me! -- Bini: Googol the First Fate Spider!?! Googol: The one and only-a-hundred-zeroes. -- Googol: We'll chat later, Sally! I've got to check on the status of the fate web! Meanwhile fetch me the Tempest Hat. Bini: The what-now? -- Googol: The *Tempest Hat.* Don't tell me it's lost it again. *Go, look! /Now!/* I'm off to do my patented Googol search. Bini: Oh...ok, but only because you are the honored Googol, first amongst fate-spiders. -- Bini: Where am I going to find a Tempest Hat? Carl: Oy! Did some polly call fer the blimey Haberdasher of Fate? -- Bini: Well-well, if it isn't the *Ex*-ex-Fate Spider, Carl Wonkstein. Carl: What, guv? No, me name's Jimmy McNotfatespider the Haberdashererer...er! -- Bini: Carl, you have to quit sneaking in here! The boss will rip you into pieces and mail them to the four corners of the earth! He calls it a Severance Package! Its' [sic: should be "It's"] terrifying to behold! Carl: Father Time could care [sic: should be "could not care"] less anymore and you know it, "Apprentice Bini". Now do you want to know where I hid the Tempest Hat or not? === NOTE: Ref: _Ex-Ex Fate Spider Carl First Appearance_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20050816> | _Carl and "Apprentice" (now Fate Spider) Bini_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20090807> | _Googol Last Appearance_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20140519>. | Flag | ||||
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-- Caption: /"Yay for reality, if you're into all that,"/ he thinks. The web has remade itself drastically, doubling in size! Caption: This is not /*so*/ unusual. -- Caption: The Fate Spider is used to being watched through the haze. Multitudes of milky eyed oracles trying to trace the weblines of fortune. Caption: But today clear eyes of power scrutinize him. As if a whole universe of boss's bosses have come to inspect the spider's every action. Something about this day is unbelievably important. -- (The Fate Spider glances at his nether region) -- Caption: Perhaps pants are in order. | Flag | ||||
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-- Caption: The Fate Spider backtracks. "A botched attempt to destroy the world... ah.. THIS must be what concerns the watchers." Caption: The StormBreaker pulled into it. And all the lines she pulls with her into the line of The Bug. -- Caption: /*"Ah, a pretty tangle, this! But nothing I can't smooth out,"*/ says the Fate Spider in an attempt to reassure the watchers. -- Caption: He traces lines forward casually as he heads to the tool shed... -- Caption: *Erk!!!* -- Caption: /"It... it's not the StormBreaker at all! But/ another /line pulls/ another /line and eventually..."/ -- Caption: The Fate Spider banks left at the tool shed to spend the rest of the day checking want-ads in the lounge. | Flag | ||||
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Jzaxil/Anise (disguised as a weird-looking spider with tiny wings): Sharon Gall? Be *proud.* Thanks to /you,/ the ritual was disrupted, the End Demon imprisoned, and the world saved. -- Sharon: Thank /you,/ Fate Spider Anise! -- Jzaxil/Anise (panicking): *Gate spider?* I was /*never*/ stuck guarding a gate for centuries! Sharon: I said "*Fate* Spider" not "*Gate* Spider"! -- Jzaxil/Anise (vanishing via a transport spell): *Sorry!* I made /no sense!/ *I gotta run!* -- (Jzaxil/Anise transports to Yffi's lair) <***Poof!***> -- Anise: I've got too many people to manipulate. I need the boss to write me more cue cards. -- Yffi (off panel): *Anise?!?* Anise: Yes Master? -- Yffi (off panel): Shadefather Cantemire approaches. Take the form of Jzaxil and bring the sword to the throne room. Jzaxil/Anise: Yes Master! === NOTE: Ref: _Sharon_ <https://archives.sluggy.com/book.php?chapter=73#2022-07-22> and the _Spiders_ <https://archives.sluggy.com/book.php?chapter=73#2022-12-08>. (Bonus: fun little alternate Sharon/spider ref, _panel 6_ <https://archives.sluggy.com/book.php?chapter=60#2009-09-22>) | Flag | ||||
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Uncle Tempest, God of Fate (aka Uncle Time): We don't control people's will here, we simply offer guidelines. These are less than one percent of the guidelines for next harvest-day. By the way, Siphaniana, /this/ is how you perceive yourself? Not what I would have thought. -- Gwynn (subconsciously covering herself): And I should note your floating disembodied head and moving spider-hat is not creepy at all! Uncle Tempest: Yes, the fate web /*is*/ vast! That's why I don't manage it alone! I have my helper, the fate spider! -- Uncle Tempest: His birth name is 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. But I call him /*Googol!*/ Googol (with googly eyes): Hi. -- Googol: I'm Googol! I'm watching everything you do, so don't try nothin'. - Uncle Tempest: *Googol!* Be nice, she's not a problem! Googol: Have you seen the size of the shoes on her? -- Uncle Tempest: I'll prove it. Googol, search the web for her! Googol (rushing off): You got it, boss! <**WOOOSH**> -- Gwynn: Wait, I'm not sure if that's such a good idea...? Uncle Tempest: Everybody want to search for themselves on the web! Googol (returning in a panic): *Boss! /She's not her!!!/* | Flag |
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