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Zoë (typed out on her grapebook): I just wanted to send you another note, Min, even though I don't have anything new to say. It's actually been boring here the last few days. The biggest thing going on around here is Torg being all mysterious about the 'prophetic dream' he had a few days ago. He's been at the art desk all day! For some reason I'm very afraid. <Pek> <Pek> <Pek> -- (Torg at his art desk, with a happy smile on his face) -- (Sketch of Zoë sitting at one end of an elegant couch, with Torg lying comfortably on the couch, head on Zoë's lap, with her running her fingers through his hair; Noogy (aka Shika Nogeyama) stands behind them, cleavage showing, holding what looks like a fancy rifle; mounted high on the wall are the heads of the deer and the yak; mounted low on the wall are three heads of the chipmunks; signed "Torg") -- Zoë (typed out on her Grapebook): I'm still fine, but this will be the last note I can send you for a while. Don't reply to this email, tell Mom and Dad I love them, and then run, Min, /*run!*/ -your sis Zoë Riff: Send that email, Zoë, and then were [sic: should be "we're"] done. No more internet. Torg: Definitely, Riff. With the jammer destroyed, there'd be too much chance of someone discovering us here. Kiki (curled up on the table): zzz -- Zoë: But it's also what it did to us... to our lives! Torg: Now-now, Zoë, that's because of hidden images in the social media programs controlling our minds, and not our own personal failures... -- (All of them stop and stare at the fourth wall; Kiki wakes up long enough to stare, and even Bun-Bun pokes his head in to stare at the fourth wall...) -- Zoë: In any case I'm just glad Riff fried Aitch's "NOM-software" before leaving. That is too dangerous to exist out there. (Riff is holding up a USB drive) -- (A close-up of the USB drive; with a large "H" on it) -- (Riff puts the USB drive in an inside pocket of his trenchcoat) -- (Riff walks away whistling) <musical note> | Flag | ||||
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K'Z'K: I'm ALMOST FREE! King Farahn: Don't you mean "*We're* almost free?" K'Z'K: Oh HEY, Maloufo is there! -- Chanting: K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! King Farahn: Who? K'Z'K: Camel poop-shoveler who raised a revolution against you. King Farahn: /Who?/ K'Z'K: He has Weird Nipples. -- Chanting: K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! King Farahn: /*WHAT?*/ K'Z'K: They rest on the center of his pectorals. Hopefully genetics will wipe that trait out. | Look, Maloufo and his story are not important to THIS story. -- (There is a pause in the chanting while King Farahn and K'Z'K stare at the fourth wall) -- King Farahn: So we'll be free? K'Z'K: Sorry FARAHN, ol' /BOY/, but only the *summoned one* escapes. -- Macha's mother/Symachus' wife: K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K, I beg you restore my baby's eyes! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! -- Chanting: K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K! K'Z'K: I'm SURE I'll send Someone to fetch you Eventually! King Farahn: /What?/ you *dare...?* -- K'Z'K (alarmed): WAIT, what's Maloufo doing with that sword? -- (Macha's mother/Symachus' wife lies dead on the ground; Maloufo stands over her with a sword dripping with blood) -- K'Z'K: The Summoner was killed mid-ritual. I'll have to start over. | But I know what I'm doing. SOMEone will be chanting my sweet name over and over again Real Soon. -- Panel caption: FIVE YEARS LATER -- Chanting: Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! Farahn! King Farahn: **HEYYYY!** K'Z'K (annoyed): There'll be no living with him. === NOTE: OK, so Maloufo's nipples /*are*/ weird, his specific story is /*not*/ needed for immortal King, and the fourth panel 'break of the fourth wall' is my attempt of self deprecating humor over my inability to NOT make you guys feel like you have to read a decade of comics to understand what's going on!;) Speaking of things you don't need to know: Ref: _The Summoner and Maloufo_ <https://archives.sluggy.com/book.php?chapter=65#2014-06-27>. Another neat thing you don't need to know for this story is that summoner is Riff's great-great-great-thousands of years-over grandma. It's /TRUE!/ | Flag | ||||
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=== Torg: Hi, you guys! I checked with Pete and he says he's OK, just playing around with his Wacom tablet with zombies on his brain. -- Torg: He did warn me I was breaking the "Fourth Wall" too much by talking to you directly, you guys. -- Gwynn: Stop calling me /"you guys."/ Why can't you talk to me? And what's a "Fourth Wall"? Torg: Don't ask me, Gwynn! -- (Gwynn and Torg stare at the readers) | Flag | ||||
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-- Weaselo: Neighboring schools? I hope one of them is the *Steroideotypical Academy!* My favorite Quidsatz-Haderach scoremen are from there! Homogenize: Oh Weaslo [sic: should be "Weaselo"], you do go on about your sports heroes don't you. Why isn't Torg here this year? -- Weaselo: I don't know, Homz. I don't remember him being here /*last*/ term thanks to your time-trip. Homogenize: Oh, don't still be angry, Weaz. Look, behind Professor Gandeldorf! [sic: should be "Gandledorf"] I believe that's the Goblet of Flameyness! That means we're hosting *Try-Gizzards Tournament!* -- Weaselo: Yeah, I think I've heard of that! Homogenize: Of course, Weaslo [sic: should be "Weaselo"]! /Everyone/ has! -- (They look toward the fourth wall as if to see if the audience bought it) | Flag | ||||
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Torg: Remember way back at the beginning of January when we spent the first week of the year 2000 in a coma? Riff: I remember it like it was last week. -- (Riff and Torg stare at the fourth wall) -- Torg: Anywho, I never thanked you for launching me onto the New Years Eve ball and almost killing me. Riff: You lived. Besides, I've toned down the power on my power-stilts, now they work like a charm! <Pat, Pat, Pat, CLICK!> -- <*Sproing*> <***CRASH***> -- (Riff is hanging from the ceiling, with his head through to the upper floor) Riff: **OWIE!** Torg: You all right? Riff: Whoa, I never knew my floor was in this much need of a vacuuming! | Flag | ||||
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-- Caption: Central Terrorist-Whuppin' Unit Bob: Wow, it's been exactly 24 hours since the last comic and Jack Bowow has just saved us all again! Kel: "All" not including the gaggle of slaughtered innocent bystanders. Bob: And all those guys Jack cruelly tortured. (Did you see the guy he strangled with his own retina cords?!?) Kel: And there's the pointless ways Ted and Sue died... -- Bob: Hey, at least we got their jobs! I'm sure we're dead on Jack's next day. Kel: By the way, it was wrong to mention "the comic" in the last panel. You shouldn't break the fourth wall. It wrecks suspension of disbelief. Bob: Suspension of disbelief?!? Jack Bowow can go day after day without needing to use the potty or even nap? Kel: *He doesn't eat, why would he need to use the potty?* | Flag | ||||
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Skimpymoomoo (off panel; over the ear bud): Squishydodo, they've all settled in. No suspicious activity as of yet. Squishydodo: Keep an eagle-eye out Skimpymoomoo! -- Squishydodo: We need to find a way to abduct Torque, or "Torg" as he seems to like to call himself /*without*/ attracting attention. Then we'll use /*the device!*/ -- Squishydodo (off panel): We'll know where he stands, one way or the other. Sillyfoilfoil and Slappyhoho-dodo: /*"THE DEVICE!" oooooooooooo!*/ -- Squishydodo: If he's an ally we'll be forced to bring him into the inner circle, and if he's working for Hereti-Corp we'll have to make him disappear. /Permanently./ Sillyfoilfoil: *Permanently?!?* You mean the plan where we dress him in a polar bear suit and send him into a snowstorm? Squishydodo: That only makes him disappear to /*us*/ and we're not at the North Pole anymore Sillyfoilfoil! -- Slappyhoho-dodo: You mean the plan where we have him drive us to a trendy restraint [sic: should be "restaurant"] in Jersey City and have him let us out in front and tell him to go find a parking space and meet us in the restaurant? Sillyfoilfoil: "And we never saw him again!" Squishydodo: No. Too cruel. -- Sillyfoilfoil: You mean the plan where we get him hooked on a webcomic that has 17+ years of archives? -- (Sillyfoilfoil, Slappyhoho-dodo and Squishydodo all stare at the fourth wall....) -- Squishydodo: We'll figure out how to /'disappear'/ him later. We need to abduct him and/or Teresa. And neither one of them is giving us reason or opportunity. -- Skimpymoomoo (off panel; over the ear bud): Squishydodo, sir! The woman named Teresa just took off all her clothes and jumped in a lake! Squishydodo: Finally something supicious [sic: should be "suspicious"]! Slappyhoho-dodo: That's /suspicious?/ Squishydodo: I'm going to have to see this for myself! Just to be sure. -- Slappyhoho-dodo: You realize Teresa is only trying to make Zoë jealous to break her up with Torg right? I mean it's /soooo/ obvious. Squishydodo: I'll still need to see it with my own eyes. Slappyhoho-dodo: *sigh* Squishydodo: For... y'know... science and stuff. </Pause flashback> === NOTE: Ref: '_Watering Hole_ <http://www.slugg.com/comics/archives/daily/20150518>'. | Flag | ||||
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King Farahn: My love Queen Siphaniana /*lives!*/ And she has *found* me! We will be together, /my love!/ -- Queen Siphaniana: FARAHN FARAHN FARAHN -- K'Z'K: Maloufo?!? /Again/ with this guy! -- (Queen Siphaniana is dead, and again Maloufo's sword drips with blood...) -- King Farahn (tearing up): *The weird-nipple man has murdered my true love! K'Z'K: Well I'm glad you've got your noir crime-novel title figured out! -- King Farahn: I don't know what most of those words mean. K'Z'K: /AGAIN/, not plot-important. -- (King Farahn and the Bug stare at the fourth wall) -- K'Z'K: Look at the BRIGHT SIDE of losing true love forever. This PROVES someone will free us /eventually!/ Just have patience and hold yourself together, and shut up. -- Panel caption: THREE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED YEARS LATER -- King Farahn: **MOOOOAAAAAAN!** K'Z'K: You are zero-for-three. === NOTE: Continuing from last comic... Refs you do not need to know: _Queen Siphaniana and Maloufo_ <https://archives.sluggy.com/book.php?chapter=65#2014-06-30>. | Flag | ||||
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=== </Flashback> (Torg checking up on Aylee in her cocoon, in the Kesandru House Well of Ghosts; his hand on her cocoon) -- Zoë: How's Aylee? Torg: No change. -- Gwynn: She's been in that cocoon for a few weeks now, right? Zoë: Gwynn, it's been almost *half a year!* -- Torg: She's *never* been in a cocoon this long before. Zoë: Torg, don't assume the worst. She's an alien. We can't tell if this is normal for her. -- Torg: She took on that fire dragon form in response to the cold-chamber she was in. She should have changed form the week she got out. But it's like she's stuck. Slowing down. Getting old. I don't know. </End first flashback> -- </Flashback> (Torg kneeling again at the cocoon, with a gift-wrapped box and a candle) </End second flashback> -- </Flashback> Bun-Bun: So that's my favorite Martian, huh? Riff: Aylee's been in that cocoon for a long time. I was able to detect an energy signature that was deteriorating. It was killing Torg to see her like this. -- Bun-Bun: So you tracked down Schlock. Riff: Thanks to the cloning thingy, he knows more about Aylee's physiology than anyone on the planet. And now we know she's still alive. Bun-Bun: What's in it for him? Riff: Technology exchange. I learn a bit about inflatable tech and he learns about my toys. So do me a favor, if you want to see Aylee come out of that cocoon, leave Dr. Schlock alone. </End third flashback> --- </Flashback> Torg: Hey Aylee, ol' girl. I miss you. -- Torg: Still no change? Riff: Nothing. -- Torg: If there's nothing new what does Schlock /do/ down here all day? Riff: Actually he's supposed to be here now. I wonder where he is! Schlock (peeking behind a door behind Torg and Riff): eep! -- Torg (off panel): You know how paranoid he is. I wouldn't be surprised if he had a spider-hole someplace for down time. -- Schlock (hiding in a spider hole behind a wall labeled "Inflatable Fake-Wall™"): Well it'd be more like a "secret lair" instead of "spider-hole" but my inflatable dig-bots are made of latex. </End fourth flashback> --- </Flashback> Schlock (hiding in a spider hole behind a wall labeled "Inflatable Fake-Wall™"): Before Hereti-Corp went under, I was lucky to get away from Daedalus with my life. It's been years but it looks like he's about to make a move. </End fifth flashback> --- </Flashback> Daedalus: Break out the piñata, guys! We have risen from the ashes! *Hereti-Corp is back!* </End sixth flashback> --- </Flashback> Riff: Listen, Torg, I know you like Aylee, but think about it! If her species' instincts are to take over worlds, how long can she fight it? -- Riff (flashback to the starship): You saw her devour an entire starship crew! You saw what her kind did to an entire space station! Torg: Do you know how hard it is to find a competent secretary? -- Riff: Just remember *this!* It's *my fault* she's here. If something goes wrong, it's my responsibility to stop her. </End seventh flashback> === Note: Links to the comics shown in the comic above in the order they appear: _040509_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?=040509> | _041223_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?=041223> | _060317_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?=060317> | _060818_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?=060818> | _061203_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?=061203> | _980614_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?=980614> | Flag | ||||
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=== Riff: It's my latest invention. I discovered a theory that moments of time are separated by "panels", like fourth-dimensional drywall. This device can brake [sic: should be "break"] through the panels that separate different moments in time and let someone go through. Torg: Cool! How does it work? Sasha: More importantly, how dangerous is it? -- (Riff presses the button on the remote, Sasha falls through the panel wall behind him, to the panel below) Riff: I'll show you. Just keep an eye on that tree over there. The only problem is that I just have to determine what moments are linked by what panels. <CLICK!> -- Torg: Was that supposed to happen? Riff: Nope. Torg: What time did you send her to? -- Riff: /I... I don't know, Torg! I might have sent Sasha to the age of dinosaurs! Or a distant future where humans aren't equipped to survive! Or... or... -- (Sasha's legs appear in the sky behind Riff -- a continuation of her falling through the panel from above) Torg: Or you might have sent her thirty seconds into the future. Riff: Maybe, but what are the odds of that happening? === [Art by Oliver Zuchowski] ====== [Art by L.K. Malnassy] === Caption: Subject 1: Angela. Driven insane by demonic kitten attack, got better, paralyzed by pissed-off alien, possessed by sobbing ghost, driven insane again. Current location: mental institution -- Caption: Subject 2: Zoë. Kidnapped by vampires, dragged through time and space, prone to turning into a camel, regularly attacked by any number of things, including assassins and cranky rabbits. Current location: Nebraska -- Caption: Subject 3: Oasis. Brainwashed, killed, came back, killed, came back, went insane, wreaked havoc on general populace during quest to reclaim lost love, terrorized numerous coeds, beheaded coworker. Current location: mental institution. -- Caption: Subject 4: The common thread Torg: You know, it's kind of scary when you realize the guy who sleeps with the laser cannon is the one with the stable relationship. Riff: If it makes you feel better, my ex-girlfriend got possessed by a demon a couple of times. === [Sea of insanity | http://fractuslux.keenspace.com] =========== Joe Sunday: *2nd place* belongs to *L.K. Malnassy.* She writes: Well, I'm not that great at inking, nor really that great at drawing in general, but Sluggy was my first webcomic, so I figured what the heck. So, you know, here it is. Hope it can be of use... I really like her clean style and good sense of contrast in the inking. Congratulations! -- Joe Sunday: And finally, our *1st place* fan comic strip of the day is *Ellie Hastings* she writes: "This is my comic submission: sleeplessness meets inspiration. Enjoy!" It seems we all enjoyed it. I'm sure everyone else will too. This one is very clever. Read it carefully or you may miss the joke. === Title: Torg and Riff are Bored and Pete isn't here to do anything about it Vacation Day!! (working title) --- (Riff and Torg, hands behind their heads, beer mugs in front of them.) Riff: Sorry. I was bored. Torg: And I still am. Riff: *snicker* -- Torg: Riff, you didn't actually use my time-machine idea from before without telling me, did you? Riff: Hey, where's Kiki? Torg: Riff!!! -- Torg: Don't change the subject! I know you're up to something! -- Riff: Hey, forget it, man! Let's go check out the bikini-suicide-Frisbee-match! -- Torg: *What??* Why the *HELL* would I want to do that?? -- Riff: Okay, never mind! Why don't you just tell me about your favorite leather underwear? -- Torg: Red, very sleek -- good way to attract girls, let me tell you! There's one chick that -- -- Riff: Never mind. Hey, what did you think of that car you were looking at yesterday? -- Torg: What's with the questions all of a sudden? -- Riff: Would you rather talk about beer? -- Torg: *BOR-ING!!* -- Torg: Hey! We could use your new, improved time machine to rearrange the panels and make today's strip run backwards! Riff: Uh... don't you think it would be more fun to just sit here? (Riff reaches down to the side to fiddle with a dial on the time machine) <fiddle fiddle> Arrow Label: new improved time machine | Flag |