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Zoë: Don't you ever want to just go back to our normal lives? Hold on. -- Zoë: Aylee, I really think you should find a normal cake recipe instead of one generated by "ChatPCP(*)." Aylee (looking on her "Alien? Where? laptop, with Kiki over her shoulder): But I appreciate the intensity, and it does /*sound*/ like a cake recipe! Eggs, butter, flour, illusions of euphoria with added wanton violence...! Footnote: (*) A.I. Chat Powered by Phencyclidine -- Aylee (off panel): And it's walking us through it step by step! Kiki: What's the next step? -- Aylee: Sift the white powder and don't stop! *Don't stop till [sic: should be "'til"] you've sift [sic: should be "you've sifted" or "you sift"] it /*alll!!!*/ Kiki: *I'm on it!* -- Zoë: Listen, Gwynn. Hereti-Corp is gone, the Bug is imprisoned, the demon cult of the Bug is booked or destroyed. It feels like the target is finally off us. Gwynn (off panel; over the phone): Zoë, believe me it is /*not!* Why/ are you even considering this? <SIFT> <**SIFT!**> <***SIFT!***> <*SIFT!*> -- Zoë: Maybe get a job with the communications degree I worked so hard on? Maybe get married to Torg with our /*real*/ names? Gwynn (off panel; over the phone): It doesn't matter what names you... /Ohh!/ Now I get it! Izzie [sic: should be "Izzy"] gave Torg the alias "Torg Hoey" So your married name'd be... -- Gwynn (off panel; over the phone): *...ZOË HOEY! /*BWA-*HA-HA-HAHA!*/ Zoë: That's almost barely not the /entire/ reason! -- Aylee (with a baseball bat raised and ready to batter): *Now, get everything in the bowl, Kiki!* Zoë (rushing in): Aylee, *what are you /doing?!?/* Aylee: "Batter up"? === NOTE: Ref: _Fake IDs_ <https://archives.sluggy.com/book.php?chapter=73#2020-08-28>. | Flag | ||||
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-- Zoë: Give it a shot. They have to look better than those bottle-cap lenses. Gwynn (removing her glasses): I'll try them on now! -- Zoë: You look cute, in a Speed-Racer kinda way. Gwynn (with anime eyes): They're giving me a headache. -- Riff (peering through the blinds, holding a laser cannon and wearing a heads-up display unit): I gotta be honest, Zoë. I don't like the idea of Torg keeping that alien as a secretary. It doesn't belong in this world. Zoë: Yeah, I get that idea. -- Zoë: Are you really going to kill the alien with that laser-cannon? -- Riff: What, this? Riff: Naw, my mom said she might stop by. -- Torg: Aylee, any word from Mr. Mindo? He's supposed to drop off a payment today. Aylee (typing): No sir, haven't heard from him. <Tak tak tak> -- Torg: *Then _why_ are there bits and pieces of him on the kitchen floor?* Aylee: **eep.** -- Torg: **YOU ATE ANOTHER CLIENT!** Aylee: *I'm sorry!* -- Torg: Do I spray you with the water bottle or rub your nose in it? Aylee: *It'll _never_ happen again!* | Flag | ||||
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Boy with multiple piercings: You can't make me do *anything,* Mr. Babysitter! Girl with pony-tails: I eat babysitters like him for lunch! Short purple-haired girl (holding her hands out and producing a blinding point of light a short distance in front of her): /Yeah!/ Short boy with mohican and skull t-shirt (blinded by the light): /Hey!/ Girl with baseball bat: Thinks he can watch seven of us at once? Fat boy: When I say *now* we all take off in different directions! Riff: You know how you kids spend your days watching TV and never get outsdoors? [sic: should be "outdoors" (or "outside"?)] -- (Riff points through the shop window at the monitors and DVD players. On the window are the words: "WAREN T SHMARENT[Y] AND SONS | TELEVISION PLASMA BIG SCREEN | AND WEGA PORTABLE DVD ST[...]" Riff: Well I've figred [sic: should be "figured"] out how to do *both!* -- Boy with multiple piercings (plastered against the window): *Potato-Bottom Round Skivvies.. the movie on DVD!!* -- Riff (hefting a brick): Wait! It gets better! -- <***SMASH!***> -- (The kids are sitting on the grass nearby playing with the stuff) Girl with pony-tails: *Best babysitter evar!* Short boy with mohican: Our own DVD players! Girl with baseball bat: I love the part where Potato-Bottom gets busted with skivvies on his head! -- <**Weeeoooweeeooowee**> (Riff is running away in the background) Cops: /*Freeze thieves!*/ Fat boy: *um, /"Now?"/* -- (Back at the apartment; Torg in the background writing on a clipboard) Gwynn (hands on hips): /*That's*/ how you /babysit?/ Framing "difficult" children and letting them rot in /jail/ all day to /"scare them straight?"/ Riff (hands behind head): That's not what it's about Gwynn. ...Being a good role model... -- Riff (holding up a trash can full of money): ... Plus this... <|$|$|$|$|> -- Riff: ...Is its own reward. -- Torg (holding a clipboard labeled "Snikey Ad Concepts"): */Riff!/ You're a /genius!/* -- </Begin Torg's ad> Caption: PRO-ATHLETE | CONFESSIONAL (A basketball player number 00 with a pixelated face) Basketball player: Being a good role model... -- Basketball player (holding a trashcan full of money): ...Plus this... <$ $ $ $> -- Caption: PRO-ATHLETE | CONFESSIONAL Basketball player: ...Is its own reward. -- (Black screen with green sports shoes and the word "Snikey" plus logo) </End Torg's Ad> | Flag | ||||
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-- Riff (into the phone): I feel for you buddy. I'm stuck on a 40th level quest. I need a special drop that only drops off one in fifty /*female*/ green slimeblobs. Do you know how hard it is to tell a female slimeblob from the male slimebob? Torg (off panel; over the phone): Look under their skirts? Riff (into the phone): I've lost more enchanted leather gloves that way... Torg (off panel; over the phone): Drop a shoe-store coupon on the field and note which slimes charge it and which slimes avoid it like the plague? Riff (into the phone): I don't think slimeblobs /have/ feet, Torg. Torg (off panel; over the phone): Doesn't mean they don't like shoes! -- (Gwynn enters Torg's room, carrying a baseball bat and a basket labeled "Food Care Package"; taped to Torg's desk is a sign that reads "t0rg squishy") Torg (into the phone): See which slime-blobs are flapping their gums constantly? Riff (off panel; over the phone): They have mouths but no gums. Torg (into the phone): *Look* I have /*my own*/ quests! Look for the one that's weeping or whining for no good reason! -- (Riff grimaces) <SOUND OF GWYNN'S BASEBALL BAT CLUBBING TORG.> -- Riff (into the phone): Torg, now it sounds like /*you're*/ weeping! Torg (off panel; over the phone): Look for the ones carrying baseball-bats yet showing no interest in sports. Riff (into the phone): I'll try that! I'll also look for ones that don't have a foot in their mouths! | Flag | ||||
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-- Torg: Where's Aylee? Zoë (dressed in a Halloween costume as Mothlike Gal): No idea. By the way, we need to stop stockpiling pitchforks and torches! Riff (dressed in a Halloween costume as Blackest Duck (aka Batman)): Don't worry! They'll freak when they see this vampire in the closet! -- Riff (having opened the closet door): *HE'S GONE!* Gwynn (dressed in a Halloween costume as Wonder Bat (aka Wonder Woman)): Whoops. -- Riff: What do you mean, /*"Whoops"?*/ Torg: No ghosts here either but that may change /real/ soon! Caterer #1 (dressed in a Halloween costume as Martian Man-Eraser, accompanied by Caterer #2, dressed in a Halloween costume as The Flush (aka The Flash)): We're the caterers you hired! Sorry we're late! -- Torg: You're just in time to help us to... -- Torg: /*RUN AWAY!*/ (Caterer #2, Caterer #1, Gwynn, Torg, Riff, Zoë, and Leo (dressed in a Halloween costume as The Green Tie-Fighter (aka The Green Lantern) form a classic Justice League 'fighting' -- or in this case, fleeing -- pose) -- Caption: And run they did. Mostly in circles. Party-goers: Weeee! -- Caption: Then everyone ate all their Halloween candy all at once. (The panel shows everyone dumping candy into their mouths, with one guest with a pitchfork (and a heart) running after Ken, dressed as a candy bar, yelling "HALP!") -- Caption: This was followed by much poinging. <poing> <POING> <poing> <POING> <poing> <POING> <POING> <**POING!**> <POING> <poing> <poing> <poing> <poing> <POING> <POING!> -- Caption: Curiosity, vigor and joy ruled the night. Party-goers: YAY! | <POING> | ooooh! shiny! | weee -- Caption: Exhaustion, headaches, and tummy-aches ruled the morn. Weirdest. Halloween. Ever. -- Squishydodo (to his internet connection): *How did this debacle happen?* Mrs. Claus (off panel; over the internet): I don't care how things appear, Squishydodo. Bun-Bun is behind this. Squishydodo: You /expected/ this outcome? *When were you going to tell us, Mrs. C?* -- Mrs. Claus (over the internet): /Suspected./ There was no need to cause panic at the time. But it may already be too late. This is only the beginning, I fear. -- Mrs. Claus (out of focus; over the internet): Bun-Bun's planning on taking us /all/ down. I'll alert the other holidays. -- Mrs. Claus (off panel; over the internet): We're at war. | Flag | ||||
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-- (Riff's head emerges from the laundry in the hamper) Riff: There's something valuable on it, huh? Zoë: No, Riff, that thing sucks. It keeps turning on by itself and I keep forgetting it's in my pocket and running it through the laundry. -- Riff: /Riiiiiggggghhhht./ Then why are you so *worried?* Zoë: I can't get what you told us about Torg out of my head! Chasing Oasis is bad. But dimension hopping with Aylee? The last time Torg came back from another dimension, he was so different. Like his spirit got crushed. -- Zoë: I don't want to see that happen to him again, but he can't seem to stop himself! Like we all need saving by a stupid geeky hero! -- (Riff's hand is sticking out of the laundry basket [similar to "Thing" from the "Addams Family"]) Riff: Yeah, that dumb Torg! Aren't you going to ask why I'm in your hamper? Zoë: Gwynn hit you with a bat and stuffed you in there after you said the wrong thing to her. Riff: Good guess. -- Zoë: It wasn't a guess. I heard you whining while she was stuffing you somewhere out here! I thought you might be in the cookie jar. Riff: I wasn't whining. I was shouting! -- Riff: It only sounded whiny because she was crushing my larynx. Zoë: Riff, you've got to find a way to get Torg back because you're /turning into him./ Riff: The "hero" part or the "stupid geeky" part? Zoë: Guess. | Flag | ||||
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=== Torg (into the phone): Hey Zoe [sic: should be "Zoë"]! Ready for the Halloween party? -- Zoë (into the phone): Yep! We're all meeting downstairs I can't wait to see everyone's costumes! -- (Costumes: Aylee is dressed up as a demon, Bun-Bun is wearing a pirate hat (with the Bun-Skull and Bones logo), Torg is wearing Lord Torgamous's outfit, Gwynn is a witch, Zoë is a camel, Valerie is dressed in her Lady Valerie outfit, Sam and Kiki are vampires (maybe Kiki's a bat), and Riff is a vampire hunter, complete with a bandolier of stakes across his chest and around each arm; behind them all are a strung up series of cut-out paper pumpkins) -- Torg: You know... I think I'm going to go /*change*/ Zoë: Yeah... Me too. === Note: Saturdays brought to you by Clay Yount of _Rob and Elliot_ <http://www.robandelliot.cycomics.com/>! | Flag | ||||
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Frilly letters (surrounded by birds, flowers, and a smiling sun): The End -- (Torg is standing holding an icepack to his head and looking annoyed; Tentacle-Torg from another dimension is lying next to him, out cold, with a long serpent-like tongue hanging out of his mouth; tentacles are visible under his shirt) -- Riff: *WHAT?!?* Gwynn (dressed up for Christmas, including reindeer antlers, and still holding her baseball bat): You took this thing out with one punch to the head? You may be our Torg but you /have/ changed. -- Torg (angrily): I'm not sure I /am/ "your Torg!" The Riff I know wouldn't kidnap a Torg from another dimension and try to pass it off as genuine. -- Riff: Well I /was/ under the influence of a "psychotropic drug" project that backfired. Torg: *That's* the Riff I know. | Flag | ||||
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Torg: You know, Riff, I can't put my finger on it, but I'm just getting a different vibe from this Halloween. | Flag | ||||
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=== (From the September 1, 1997 comic) <**BAM!**> <**WAP!**> <**CRASH!**> <***BOFFO!***> - Bun-Bun (on top of a beat-up Torg): {illegible} -- (From the September 8, 1998 comic) <**TEAR**> (Sam rips the throat off of a stuffed ferret) -- (From the August 8, 1999 comic) <***WHAM***> <***THUD***> <***CLUNK***> (Bricks falling on Zoë, Torg and Osric in the Cave of Yffi) -- (From the August 13, 1999 comic; Torg bashing K'Z'K ineffectively with an inactivated Chaz) <**CLANG**> <**CLANK**> <**CLINK**> <**CLONG**> <**CLANG**> <**CLANK**> <**CLINK**> <**CLONG**> -- (From the November 15, 1998 comic; Gwynn whamming Riff with a baseball bat after finding out that he had a date with Zoë) <**WHAM!**> <**WHAM!**> <**WHAM!**> <**WHAM!**> -- (From the September 23, 1997 comic) Torg and Riff: **OUR WUH-MAN! OUR TERR-TORY!** (Torg and Riff mindlessly jump a muscle-bound hunk at the bikini-suicide-frisbee game) -- (From the February 8, 1998 comic) Torg: {illegible}ost {illegible} bonus! Submachine Gun Sound Effect: <**Budda! Budda! Budda!**> Dilbert Cast: *Oh my God! They killed Dogbert!* Dilbert Cast: *You bastards!* -- <*Poing*> <***CHOP!***> (From the April 11, 1999 comic; Bun-Bun chops off the head of what he thought was Santa Claus) -- (From the May 9, 1999 comic) Flying Demon: ***RRAAA!*** - <**BLAM!**> (Zoë shoots the flying demon) -- (From the March 25, 1999 comic) <**/POING/-*CLUNK*-/POING/**> (Mecha-Easter-Bunny) <***WHOOOSHWHOOOSHWHOOOSH***> (Missile rack) <**Zapp-*O***> <**Zapp-*O***> (Laser) <***BOOM***> <****BOOM****> -- (From the January 24, 1999 comic; Berk's shotgun) <**BLAM!**> (Aylee bodyslams Berk) <**WHAM!**> - <***THUD!***> <***CRAK***> Zoë (on the phone to her mother): What do you mean? I don't hear anything! ... Oh, that? That's just the washing machines in the laundry room banging around. -- <**ZZZZAP**> <**Snap**> <**TWANG!**> <**Wuh-kssht**> <**wuh-kssht**> (From the April 30, 1998 comic; demons in the Dimension of Pain torture Torg) Torg: ***YEARRRRGH!*** -- (From the July 25, 1999 comic; scene from the Battle between the Trents and Mercians just before K'Z'K's army of Deadels shows up) -- (From the April 11, 1999 comic; Santa-Bomb exploding) <**beeeeeeeeee**> <*****BOOM!*****> -- (From the October 8, 1998 comic; Valerie tosses Sam against the wooden chandelier) <***CRUNCH!***> -- (From the March 15, 1998 comic) Kruller: *Muldy! What's happening?* Muldy: *Aliens! They've come for us!* Muldy: *It's just like my sister Samantha... {illegible} <**BLAM!**> <**BLAM!**> <**BLAM!**> <**BLAM!**> <**BLAM!**> -- (From the August 15, 1999 comic; K'Z'K gets squished by Zoë's foot) <****SQUISH!****> -- (From the November 8, 1998 comic; Clockjerk Torg's head gets knocked off by Reakk) <**WAP!**> -- (From the November 17, 1997 comic; Torg, Zoë, Sam, Bun-Bun, etc., warring against P.E.T.A. to protect the Thanksgiving turkey) --- Caption: 8:00 PM (From the January 25, 1998 comic; Aylee, holding Bun-Bun crashes into a wall, Bun-Bun kicks her in the face) <**wap**> <**wap**> <**wap**> <**wap**> - Caption: 9:00 PM Aylee: Sssss - (Aylee slices into Bun-Bun with her claws) <**SLICE!**> - Caption: 10:00 PM (Bun-Bun jumps, switchblade in hand...) - (...and chops Aylee's left arm off) <***CHOP!***> | Flag | ||||
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Gwynn: Something happened at work that I didn't tell you about. -- Gwynn: My monkeys are in enemy hands. -- (Torg pokes his head in to crack a joke) Gwynn: *NOT A WORD, TORG!* Zoë: Torg, this is a private conversation. -- Gwynn: I gave them to a "friend" at work named Jane and she's pretending not to have them. I'm worried she's done something terrible to them but I feel like there's nothing I can do! -- Gwynn: After you guys abandoned me I almost snapped! It would've hurt you all since a lot of people would be very interested in Aylee... Zoë: You didn't talk to anybody did you? -- Gwynn: ...Then I thought maybe I was overreacting over Jane and that a peace-offering might be a better way to go. Zoë: Come one, Gwynn, you're not alone on this! We'll help you save the monkeys in any way we can, and Riff has some interesting ways! Gwynn: That's a good point, Zoë. Zoë: So why don't you go make peace? -- (Aylee is in the bathroom looking at her mouth in the mirror) -- Aylee: My mouth really /*is*/ terrible, isn't it? Torg: Don't feel bad, Aylee. Gwynn /always/ gets catty with anyone better looking than her. -- Torg: She even got catty with /me!/ Plus at /*least*/ your mouth closes! (Gwynn has come up behind Torg and has heard his comments) -- (Gwynn storms off) -- Gwynn: /*Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.*/ Zoë: Gwynn, you've earned a /little/ heat in your direction! Instead of spiraling out of control, you have a /chance/ to make /everything better!/ -- Gwynn: Sure, Zoë! Why don't you wait out on the couch with the others and I'll be right out with my peace offering. -- Gwynn: When you guys all took off without me I /was/ insulted. But I realized maybe I deserved it because of my general behavior so I went to the trouble of getting you /*most*/ deserving people a surprise! Torg: whut-OHh. -- Gwynn (whipping out a box with the hC logo on it): This! *Ha!* -- (Aylee looks perturbed) Riff, Zoë, and Torg (all aghast): **GASP!** -- Gwynn (opening the House of Cheese box): It's pizza. -- (Aylee still looks perturbed) Riff, Zoë, and Torg (looking relieved and happy): /**OHHHH!**/ -- Zoë: House of Cheese, LLC, may be evil, but they make the best damn pizza. Torg: /Evilicious!/ Gwynn: They taste too good to be evil! Riff: Hey! This pizza is "Guaranteed to contain as much lead paint as a Chinese-manufactured toy!" That can't be much! -- Gwynn: So we're all friends again? Great! On to some monkey business. | Flag | ||||
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-- Torg (over a flashback): When the whole top of the mountain burst into a plume of fire, I thought you were doing your magic on her. -- Gwynn (taking off her glasses): No. I was shielding myself. -- (Flashback to Gwynn shielding herself from the fireball) -- Gwynn: I suppose if things had gone differently... if I hadn't been driven away from you guys, if Kizke hadn't exerted more control over me... maybe we would have figured it out sooner. -- Torg (sitting on Dr. Driscoll's front step): But Kizke is old news. You never once thought of mentioning what happened back then? Gwynn: I didn't know Oasis made it all burn! And I really didn't want to think about that time in my life. -- Gwynn: Did you ever have a memory you bury because you don't want to deal with it? You just trick yourself into not thinking of it. But then something makes it flash in front of your eyes. -- (A more intense flashback of Gwynn shielding herself from the fireball) -- Torg: Sorry. I didn't want to make you think about Kizke again. Gwynn: Not K'Z'K. This time I didn't want to remember the fire. /Why was it the fire?/ -- (The flashback again; this time words instead of flames are swirling around Gwynn) Gwynn (off panel): What happened? Or... going to... -- (The memory is of Gwynn's dream in 'The Bug, the Witch, and the Robot') Gwynn's memory: I smell burnt flesh and see... ZOË! SHE'S BURNING! MY GOD, SHE'S BURNING! Gwynn (off panel): ...Zoë. Oh my God, *Zoë!* -- Gwynn: *Torg! Call Zoë right now!* Torg: But I'm saving my battery for... Gwynn: /*RIGHT NOW!!!*/ === NOTE: _Mountaintop Fight Ref_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=000526> | _"Driven Away" Ref_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=000530> | _K'Z'K's Control Ref_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=000604> | _Zoe [sic: should be "Zoë"] Vision Ref_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=010203> | _Repeated Vision Ref_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=020114>. | Flag | ||||
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-- (Close up of the same eye, but distant enough that the web lines are no longer visible) -- (A little further back, so that Gwynn's bangs are now visible; she blinks) -- Gwynn (sitting up and rubbing her eyes): Book, what are you warning me of *this* time? "Breaking webs"?!? -- Torg (facing Gwynn in a stance similar to the opening of "bROKEN"): Gwynn? Are you OK? Gwynn (from a reclining position not too dissimilar to the opening of "bROKEN"): I just saw something... Felt something weird. Torg: Gwynn, how many times have I told you, messing with that book is only going to end *badly* for you! Gwynn: I just felt a premonition of something! Like forces /working against us!/ I'm not sure it's /*me*/ it's going to end badly for! Sign on the wall above Gwynn: There's no "P" in Riff's Secret Underground Lab. Let's keep it that way. -- Gwynn: And this Book and I are coming with you! Torg: To the "Zombie Fun Lab?" I don't /*think*/ so! -- (Gwynn magically removes Torg from the room; moving him past Riff) -- Torg (off panel; from the ground next to Riff): So Gwynn's coming with us. Riff: You give in to her that easily? Without a single baseball-bat-groin-injury or a fork to the head? Torg (off panel; from the ground): I, unlike you, know my limits. === NOTE: Random _Torg and Gwynn Book Ref_ <http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=041219>. | Flag | ||||
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Riff: Moths are drawn to light, evil-moths are drawn to evil. Thus I have baited my trap with the latest Microso... Torg: No need, Riff! -- Torg (carrying a huge jar labeled "Family Size Banana Ketchup", full of moths): I lost my emergency pants in the battle, but I got 'em all! Used jalapeno poppers for bait! -- Sasha: Jalapeno poppers are evil? Torg: Little organic spicy canisters filled with kiln-hot burning-oil swirled cheese that explodes like a grenade in your mouth causing your tongue to stop drop and roll to avoid permanent scarring? -- Torg: *And I just can't get enough of them!* Riff: When you're right, you're right! We took care of Bun-Bun and the moths. Now let's deal with Gwynn. -- (Gwynn slumped naked over the table with a cup of coffee; Riff stands glaring at her) Gwynn: Ohhhh! My /*head!*/... whadda you want? -- Riff: We find you naked, with Bun-Bun, the smell of alfalfa margaritas thick in the air. You don't think I know what's going on? (Gwynn snatches the table cloth over herself, and glares at Riff) -- (Gwynn and Riff glare at each other) -- Riff: **WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON ?!?** Gwynn: Not so loud 'n get bent! -- (Torg dramatically removes his front bin-lid to reveal the 'Book of E-ville', which he holds over his lower privates) Torg: Might it have something to do with *this?* -- Torg: Messing with the Book of E-ville again, Gwynn? Conjuring up clothes-hungry evil-moths? And who knows what else? Gwynn: That book is Bun-Bun's! *Not mine!* He is going to take you apart when he finds out you stole it from him! -- Riff: Something Bun-Bun drank is disagreeing with him. Unless he blames your random spell casting. Bun-Bun (off panel): *WHERE IS SHE?* Chicks (off panel): peep *peep* peep -- Bun-Bun (covered in chicks): *Where is that woman? Where is Gwynn? When I get my hands on her...* Chicks: peep **peep** *peep* *peep* -- Gwynn (running away -- with the table cloth): Oh my, look at the time! Gotta run! Call you guys later! -- Torg (calling after her from the porch): *Hey,* we *need* that tablecloth back soon! Kiki's a very messy eater *and I made jambalaya!* Kiki: I'm sorry. -- Riff: You think she'll be back? Torg: No, but she sure was naked. Riff: Yes Torg, she sure was. -- Sasha: I think she might be back for her glasses. Torg (wearing Gwynn's glasses): Good God, your floatie is /*huge!*/ Kiki: I made some jambalaya behind the couch! | Flag | ||||
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-- Dex: Thank you, Gwynn! And I must say, that's a stunning outfit! Gwynn: Thank you, kind sir. Zoë (whispering sarcastically and crossing her eyes): Thank you kind sir! -- Dex: Thanks for the notes! I'm so lucky to know I can count on you to take them for me when I ditch class! Well, gotta run. Zoë (pouting): No problem. -- (Dex takes a sip of his Long Island Ice Tea) -- Dex: Zoë ... You're _beautiful!_ <heart> <heart> <heart> <heart> <heart> <heart> Zoë: Dex? Are you all right? -- Dex (about to puke): No, I... I feel a bit nauseous... *Gotta run!* -- Dex: <heart> *SEE YA SOON!* <heart> <heart> -- Zoë (angrily): Gwynn, what the hell was *that?* Did you put some spell on Dex? Was that the 'soup' you were making last night? Gwynn: Yup! A love potion in his drink. One sip, and a look at you and *pow!* -- Zoë (angrily): *Are you insane?* You think I want Dex to fall in love with me because you *twisted his brain?* Gwynn: It's not permanent. My entire batch of love potion will wear off at the apex of the full moon tomorrow night. -- Gwynn: But the beautiful thing is it gets weaker as it goes so by the time it wears off, any actual feelings he has will surface to replace them. He'll never even notice the transition! -- Dex: Hi Zoë! I'm sorry, I forgot a book, but while I'm here, I was wondering if you'd like to go out tomorrow night or something. <heart> <heart> <heart> <heart> <heart> <heart> <heart> -- Zoë: Dex, I don't know... Gwynn: She'd _love_ to! Dex: Great. I'll pick you up at six! <heart> <heart> <heart> <heart> <heart> -- Zoë: Six. Isn't that a bit early? And what about the book you forgot? Dex: <heart> I can't wait any longer. And, what book? <heart> <heart> <heart> -- (Zoë stands at the doorway looking pretty) -- Gwynn: Don't think of it as a "brain twist". Think of it more like helping him see something that's just too obvious for his slow male mind to understand. -- Zoë: Like training wheels for relationships? Gwynn: *Exactly.* -- Zoë-Devil: *Go for it!* If this is the only way to get Dex to notice you, so be it! You know how stupid guys are! Zoë-Angel: Well, not sure if I like it, but guys *are* stupid. Can't argue there. -- Zoë: I have nothing to wear. Gwynn (waving credit cards around): And only today and tomorrow to shop! Let's move it, sister! | Flag | ||||
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-- Gwynn (snarkily): What a time saver this thing is! Torg (hugging the Vroomba): Hey, it takes a little extra work at first! She didn't mean it, Vroomba! <heart> -- Torg: Now we'll start it up... Vroomba: <musical note> BO-DA-BO-DEE! <musical note> -- Vroomba: WRRRRRrrrrr *boop* -- Gwynn: It stopped. -- Gwynn: Is the debris-tray full? Torg: Nope, only half full. I think I overcharged the battery and it lost its zero-point. -- Torg: I'll just recharge this puppy and we'll be back in business! It'll give me time to clean all the sensors! -- Caption: The next day: Torg: OK, it's all charged and ready! -- Vroomba: <musical note> BO-DA-BO-DEE! <musical note> -- Vroomba: WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR -- Gwynn: You know that thing is a pain in the tail but it's kinda cute! What's it doing now? Torg: Roaming around to get a feel for the place. I think it randomly samples areas at first. -- Vroomba: **RRRRRR** (Gwynn lifts her foot up to avoid the Vroomba colliding with it) -- Gwynn (hiding behind Torg): It randomly seems to be going right for my toes! Vroomba: **RRRRRR** -- Torg (as he and Gwynn are trying to scoot out of the room): Aw, look, the robot vacuum is following us! Gwynn: Cute! Vroomba: RRRRRRRRRRRRRR -- Gwynn: Um...? Vroomba: **RRRRRRRR** -- (Gwynn and Torg break into a full run, trying to avoid the Vroomba) Vroomba: ***RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*** | Flag | ||||
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-- The Battle Plan: THE PLAN, STAGE 5: PETAL TO THE METTLE <star> Gwynn magics Cappy-B back to the flowery pit of heck it climbed out of! Gwynn: BOOGA BOOGA! Flower Demon/Captain Botanical: I'm melting!... melting... Gwynn: Been there. -- (Gwynn's final spell utterance has a "sun" symbol) Gwynn: It's done! -- Gwynn: At least /*(*)my(*)*/ parts of the plan go smoothly! /And/ I saved Marco's soul, at least. I think. -- Torg: That was too easy. Gwynn (annoyed): *Of course* it's /easy./ That's why it's *magic.* /Duh./ -- Torg: And I thought you were sending it back to the pit! Gwynn: (*)sigh(*) -- Gwynn (holding up a plant pit): I did. It's back to the pit it grew from. === NOTE: The Plan Stages: (_1_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archived/daily/20150120>) (_1-revised_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archived/daily/20150123>) (_2_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archived/daily/20150130>) (_3_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archived/daily/20150204>) (_4_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archived/daily/20150205>) | Flag | ||||
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-- Aylee (standing in front of the window holding Captain Botanical to the sun): Plants need sun, Kiki. There's very little of that left today. Kiki: Oh! OK! But Gwynn said.... -- Gwynn (entering the room): ***PO-wer-NAP!*** I feel /*great!*/ <|||--SHUF-----|||> -- Aylee: Gwynn... Your plant... I'm sorry! Kiki was... Gwynn (rushing over in a panic): /**NO-NO-NO *NOOOO!***/ -- Gwynn (having taken Captain Botanical back from Aylee and turning away from the window): Cappy Bo stays in the bathroom. *No sunlight No water!* Kiki helps me by coming by once a week and chopping off his leaves. I almost let him get too big once! Aylee (confused): You want your plant to die? Gwynn: As if it was that easy! -- Gwynn: Aylee, you don't understand. This flower? *This is a demon in plant form.* If he grows big enough he'll trigger a botanical zombie-outbreak that could /*end the world!*/ -- (Aylee tilts her head in obvious confusion) -- (Aylee continues to attempt to process what Gwynn just said) -- Aylee: I have a geranium. Maybe you should get a geranium. === NOTE: Ref: when we last saw _Gwynn's Penthouse Suite_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/20150928>... | Flag | ||||
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Zoë: I can't sleep. Having nightmares about work. -- Gwynn: It's cake compared to mine! This daily zombie makeup is murder on my skin and I'm going to have to start wearing glasses there! -- Gwynn: Do you have any idea what it's like to slip on a puddle of coworker's fake blood and land face first in a salmon mousse molded to look like a brain? Zoë: Figuratively. -- (Gwynn goes to the shower and jumps back on finding a naked Schlock in it; Schlock is holding a bath brush in one hand and a washcloth covering his privates in the other) Gwynn: /***eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!***/ -- (Gwynn spins round and grabs her robe) Gwynn: /*Dammit!*/ -- Gwynn (angrily marching off): Dr. Schlock left another one of his stupid inflatable decoys in the shower again! (Dr. Schlock stands still) -- (Dr. Schlock stands still) -- (Dr. Schlock stands still) -- (Dr. Schlock stands still) -- (Dr. Schlock stands still) -- (Dr. Schlock smiles) Schlock: I'm so happy! | Flag | ||||
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-- <die: one> <die: one> -- James Bun (Bun-Bun in a hat and trenchcoat, standing on top of two Black Ops elves): Oh look, Gwynn. You rolled snake-eyes. -- Gwynn (beginning to realize...): So I'm giving off a bad-luck aura now? Great. James Bun: Here's where you say, "You're right Bun-Bun," and, "I should apologize to Aylee." -- Gwynn: Why do you always make it about everyone else when this is clearly about me? James Bun (one of the Black Ops elves putting his arm around her shoulder and the three of them lead her away from the table): I think "you" should move away from this table. We're starting to attract a crowd and that's what we don't want. Gwynn: Where is Aylee, anyway? -- James Bun (as the uppermost Black Ops elf adjusts the hat to better hide Bun-Bun): The bathroom. Gwynn (pointing): No, she's over there... -- (Aylee is walking in front of Mook and Smokey; Mook has a gun on her back) -- Gwynn (while swiping Bun-Bun off of his Black Ops perch and shoving him into her purse): (*)*gasp*(*) /*...being abducted by gunmen!*/ -- Bun-Bun (very annoyed): /*What do you think you're doing?!?*/ -- Gwynn (whispering): /Shh!/ We gotta help Aylee without making a scene. Remember? -- Upper Black Ops Elf: Wow, someone ripped my head off. That made me woozy. I'm going to go seek medical attention. -- Craps dealer (in shock): Do you want me to dial 9-1-1? Upper Black Ops Elf: /*NO!*/ | I mean, no need to fuss. Feeling better already! -- Upper Black Ops Elf: I'll be fine. My neck hole just needs some fresh air. | Flag |
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