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Suzette: KOHOGERI! -- Gwynn: Not the... Suzette: EXTENDED KNUCKLE PUNCH! -- Gwynn (holding her face where it was hit): ...face! -- (Gwynn grabs a baseball bat out of the case that says "In case of emergency softball"; she's really peeved) -- Gwynn: /*I SAID NOT THE FACE!*/ <**WHAM!**> <**WHAM!**> <**WHAM!**> <**WHAM!**> Kiki: Can I go clubbing too? -- (A HeretiCorp lackey lays pummeled at Gwynn's feet) Zoë: Gwynn! We're over here! You're hitting a generic lackey! /*OW-OW-OW!*/ Suzette: OMOTEGYAKU! -- Suzette (picking up Zoë over her head): Back breaker! Gwynn: /*Shupid!*/ -- <**Poof**> (Zoë turns into a camel) -- <***WHUMP***> (Zoë crushes Suzette) -- (Zoë (back in human form) and Gwynn (still holding the baseball bat and Kiki) ride off on Smegways) Zoë: Gwynn, thanks for saving my life. Any diet jokes and you die. Gwynn: Do I look like Torg? <WRRRrrr> | Flag | ||||
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Riff: Yeah, not a customer all day. Torg: They look like they all already have lemonade. -- Kent's Top Sign: Kent's Lemon-Yummies! | featuring the Lemon Ladies! | $1.00 Kent's Bottom Sign: Lemon-Yummies" Lemonade $1.00 (Kent has two scantily clad buxom blondes helping him with his lemonade stand -- he has lots of (male) customers) Riff and Torg's Sign: Lemonade $2.00 -- Riff: Adding scantly clad females and undercutting our prices? If that guy wants a lemonade-stand war, he'll get one. -- Riff: Torg, I want you to go into my room and grab the bag of psychotropic... -- Riff: Torg? -- Kent: Hi Torg! Lemon Lady: Welcome to /*Kent's Lemon-Yummies!*/ Care for a glass of lemonade or five? <*Jumpy Jumpy*> Torg: /*gu-huh!*/ -- Riff (waving a wad of cash): Torg's got a point! -- Zoë: Oh no. What happened? Gwynn (angrily oiling her baseball bat): Torg grabbed my acorns! I don't want to talk about it. Label: Bat Oil -- Kiki (poking out of the head of Clockjerk Riff): Be careful Pasquirlio! Gwynn thinks you're Torg and that means she might hurt you lots asidently! Pasquirlio (poking out of the head of Clockjerk Torg): squeak!! -- Kiki: That kick was just the b'ginnin! If you see Gwynn again, you just hide here with me! (Pasquirlio is nervously looking down at the hole in the crotch of Clockjerk Torg) -- (Riff walks in the front door, while Gwynn hunts for Torg in the next room, and the two Clockjerks walk away) Kiki: Now let's split up like they do in the movies! Pasquirlio: squeek. -- Riff (carrying a shirt for Gwynn): Counterstrike time! Gwynn? *Hey Gwynn!* I got a modeling job for ya! -- Gwynn (running after the Clockjerk Torg; bat raised): Torg, /*there*/ you are! Pasquirlio (poking out of the neck of Clockjerk Torg; frightened): /*squeeeEEK!*/ -- (Pasquirlio tries to enter Riff's neck (thinking that Riff is Clockjerk Riff)) <*Scramble Skritchy*> Riff: **YEARGH!** Label on Shirt that Riff was carrying: Squeeze <lemon> Me -- Gwynn: /***EEEEK! A SQUIRREL'S TRYING TO ENTER RIFF'S NECK!***/ -- Kiki (from inside Clockjerk Riff): You got lots of lemonade, Pasquirlio. Torg: *WORD, BRO-LIO* | Flag | ||||
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Gwynn: I've needed someone to talk to for a while. Just to vent a little. And since you're covered by medical, you're even cheaper than finding a bartender to pour my heart out to. Therapist: Do you think a bar will solve your problems? -- Gwynn: I think a really good friend in my life would solve my problems. I had one, y'know. The only person I could talk to about stuff. She left me. -- Gwynn: I'm alone! I'm surrounded by people but I'm completely alone! -- Gwynn: *Everyone hurts me sooner or later!* Maybe that's why I hurt them *first!* Just because I'm the one with the baseball bat doesn't make their words less *hurtful!* -- Gwynn: You're right! I *am* sabotaging all of my relationships! -- Gwynn: I feel *amazing* after these sessions! I don't know if word-of-mouth helps people in your field but I'm telling everyone what a great job you do! -- Torg (pointing at a coupon): Gwynn told me what a great job you do! Plus I have a coupon! -- Torg: OK, here's my problem. I can't get past this one part of Fashion Rancher® Waif™! You know, the fashion model game for the PSPuny? I must have played the Alaska Swimsuit Frostbite Challenge fifty times and she *keeps losing toes!* -- Torg: OK, this is more general. Riff and I bet on the playoffs every year, but I can't think of really funny stakes. What do you think? -- Torg: I thought you *solved problems,* Doctor. So far you're not helping me. -- Torg: My /"feelings"/ you ask? I /*FEEL*/ like you should *do your job!* -- (Riff sits whistling) <musical note> -- (Riff looks at the psychiatrist) -- Riff (shrugging): I lost a bet. -- (Riff sits whistling) <musical note> -- Psychologist (at Crystal's bar): But I need someone to talk to! *I'm going nuts!* Crystal: Sorry, Doc, this is less a /talky/ bar and more a /drinky/ bar. | Flag | ||||
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<**CHOMP!**> Gwynn: /*EYAAA!*/ -- (Gwynn drives the bat down (blunt-end first) into the godhound several times) <**WHAM**> <**WHAM**> <*WHAM*> <*WHAM*> <*WHAM*> -- Riff (worried): *Gwynn,* are you OK? Gwynn (wincing): Ack... ...this.... ...really... ..hurts..... Riff: Let's get to the others! Form a unified front! -- (Torg, wearing a red (Superman) cape, punches a godhound) <**POW**> -- (Torg swinging one godhound into another while a third menaces from behind) <***WHAM***> -- (Torg lifts the third godhound...) -- (...and slams it down on the floor in front of an approaching Riff, who is carrying Gwynn in his arms and Kiki on his shoulder) Riff: *Torg!* <***CRASH***> -- (Torg has a wound on his left arm; Riff kicks a godhound away) Torg: Their teeth may be sharp, but these "god hounds" are *no match for me now!* <**PUNT**> Riff: I think it's our "filthy solidness" that Creepskins was moaning about! -- Riff: It's like, in a world where spirits are real and solid, we're even more so. Torg: Oh. Riff: You thought you had super powers, didn't you? -- (Torg raises his arm in a Superman pose; Riff lowers Gwynn to a standing position) Torg: I don't know what you're talking about. Riff: Let's find the others. Torg: /Up, up, and away!/ | Flag | ||||
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Vroomba: **WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrr...** - <**hop**> - (Gwynn hops up on an overturned bucket) Gwynn (hiding a baseball bat behind her): /Ha!/ I know your secret weakness! Anything four or more inches off the ground. Vroomba (thinking): Curses! -- Gwynn: Now say hello to my little friend! (Gwynn pounds Vroomba with a baseball bat) <***KRAK!***> Vroomba (thinking): Ow. Kiki (inside Vroomba): **ow!** -- Gwynn: /*Kiki?*/ Is that you in there? Kiki: You hurt my head like math! | Flag | ||||
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Tadius Greasenherr (aka Noah Zark): Now zat zey share one Smegvay, ve're catching up. Put ze gun avay. /Ve got zem!/ <WRRrrr> -- (Zoë is trying to drive the Smegway; Gwynn is readying a baseball bat) Zoë: /Kiki! Quit fidgeting!/ Kiki: But... *where's my cheese?* <WRRr> -- (The cheese is laying on the ground in front of Yuri's Smegway; Tadius sees it) Tadius: *Yuri! Look out! Ze Asiago is too steep for the "SSG!"* -- Yuri: *Eef only it ver soft cheese! Like Velveeta! Plus Velveeta es versatile!* -- (A fiery explosion) <***BOOM!***> -- Noah: **YURI! NOOOOOO** -<KRAK!>- (As Noah looks back, Gwynn hits him with her baseball bat, knocking him off the Smegway) -<*HOMERUN!*>- (Gwynn jumps over to Tadius's now-unmanned Smegway) <**scoot!**> -- (Gwynn and Zoë approach the railroad tracks) Caption: Cue Heroic Triumph Theme! | Flag | ||||
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-- Opening credits: starring | torg -- Opening credits: zoë -- Opening credits: riff -- Opening credits: gwynn -- Opening credits: jennifer love hewitt -- Opening credits: created by | bun-bun the mini-lop -- (Gwynn batters Riff into a pulp with a baseball bat) <**WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!**> -- Riff (in a broken heap on the floor): Does this mean we're breaking up? -- Zoë: Hi Gwynn! Have you seen... (Gwynn slaps Zoë across the face) <***WHAP!***> Gwynn: *How could you stab me in the back like that?* -- Gwynn: Well, Riff is all yours! I can't *believe* I *trusted* you. -- Riff: Zoë! I need a doctor, and... (Zoë punches Riff in the belly) <***WHUMP!***> Zoë: *You told Gwynn we had a date?* -- Zoë: Well, the date is off, you *idiot!* Riff: *gasp!* -- (Riff staggers into Torg's apartment) Torg: Riff! What the *hell* happened to you? Riff: I'm getting attacked left and right just because I had a date with Zoë tonight! -- (Torg punches Riff in the face) <***POW!***> -- Torg: Now, why did I do that? Is it because I'm protective of Zoë? Is it jealousy? Bun-Bun: Nobody told me it was *"Beat Up Riff Sunday"! Gang way!* <**KA-KLICK**> <Poing> Riff: **medic!** -- Caption: next week on keg party of five: Gwynn: I've got bad news. One of us has a horrible illness and/or disease! Torg, Zoë and Jennifer Love Hewitt: **AGAIN?** (The pun demon is taped to the wall behind them) Riff: I'm moving to Melrose. *They* blow stuff up. | Flag | ||||
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Gothka (cyrillic): Zakonchim Zdyes! (translated: Finish here!) -- Zoë (as Gothka raises two swords to finish them off): Gwynn, I'd like to officially say I'm through with clubbing. -- Kiki (swinging a bat at Gothka's shin): Goody! My turn! <**KRAK**> -- Gothka (dropping the swords): *AAAAA! OW! OW! AIEE! AIEE!* (The two 'aiee's are transliterated from the cyrillic) -- Zoë: *A train's coming!* <**HRRNK**> Gwynn (raising one of the swords that Gothka had dropped): *I'LL CUT THEM LOOSE!* -- Torg: **mph!**(*) (*) YEAAAH! Blind woman with a sword! Riff: **mph!**(**) (**) Dude! I still can't understand you! and YEEAAAAAA! -- Zoë: Allow me. Torg and Riff: *WHEW!* -- (Gothka has picked the other sword and slashes at Kiki) <***SLASH***> Kiki (still hanging onto the baseball bat): *WEEE!* Now I go! <Poing> -- (Zoë cuts Riff and Torg off of the tracks) -- (The train speeds towards them) <**HRRNK HERRRRNK**> -- Gothka (cyrillic): Aiee! Laska Kusaiet menya za loduizhki!(*) (*)"Ouch! A ferret is beating me about the shins!" <HOP> <HOP> Kiki: I'm winning! <**WAPPITY**> <**WAPPITY**> -- Gothka: /*YEAAAAH!*/ Zoë (off panel): /*Kiki! Get off the tracks!*/ Kiki: /*Coming!*/ -- Train: **HerrRRRRR*** Kiki (on Zoë's shoulder): I won! *I won!* Zoë: Let's go home. (Zoë is guiding Torg away from the tracks, and Gwynn is guiding Riff; both guys are still bound and gagged, but untied from the tracks) -- Radio announcer (off panel, through the radio): In today's news. The owner of Club Badditunudinals has been arrested for a slew of crimes ranging from pirated Bass Fishing software to murder. The mysterious circumstances surrounding these crimes are... mysterious. Torg: We got rescued by girls! That's so cool! Riff (sulking): No, it's not. -- Torg: It's not? Riff (pouting): No. Torg: But they kept me all tied up! (Torg's hands are still tied) Riff: Still no. -- Torg: Well, they weren't wearing much and it /was/ cold out! Riff (still pouting): Point(s). -- Riff (starting to smile): Heh heh! Torg: Yeah! -- Gwynn (holding the baseball bat): /"Heh-heh Yeah."/ OK so just for /my/ notes: If being rescued by girls isn't cool, what about being beaten up by girls? Zoë: I'm ready to punch some butt! Riff: Um... Er... Torg: We run now. <**ZOOM!**> -- Gwynn: We /should/ have left their gags on. Yet we still /rule./ Zoë (in a 'ninja' pose): Look who's *WHOO-PEE* ninja agile now? Torg: It's *WOH-PAH!* Don't ever try to make martial arts sounds again! | Flag | ||||
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-- <***CRASH***> (Torg's head propelled through the shower wall) -- Gwynn (in the shower; holding a loofah-on-a-stick; and attempting to cover up when she sees Torg's head): ***EEK!*** -- <WHAM! **WHAM** WHAM! **WHAM** WHAM! **WHAM** WHAM! WHAM! **WHAM** WHAM! **WHAM**> (Gwynn hitting Torg with the loofah-on-a-stick) -- Riff (holding an icepack to his head): My head's *killing* me! It *hurts* to get your skull punched through a ceiling. Torg: *Tell me about it!* Getting knocked through the wall wouldn't have hurt so bad if there weren't bathroom tiles on the other side. I was in so much pain, I almost didn't notice Perky naked. -- Riff: *Torg, I told you to cut that out!* Torg: *What?* Look, I know it bugs you that I saw your ex-girlfriend naked, and I stopped gloating. Now it's like I can't even *say* the name "Gwynn" without you getting mad. -- Torg: Oh. I called her 'Perky' instead of Gwynn again, didn't I? Riff: This is *not* funny, Torg. -- Torg: I don't know what's got you so upset, you guys aren't even *dating* anymore. But I'll take the high road and stop ribbing you about it. -- Torg: Speaking of *"ribs,"* that girl has got to *eat* something. Riff: *GRRRRR...* -- Torg: Look, as far as I'm concerned, I paid my dues for the view since she whapped me over the head a jillion times! Of course it could have been worse. She could have used one of those sharp-bristled back-brushes. The loofah was much softer. But *that's it.* I'll stop. Won't say another word on it. -- Kiki: Hey Torg! What's up? Torg: /***RIFF'S NAKED GIRLFRIEND BEAT ME WITH HER LOOFAH!***/ -- <****WAP!****> -- Kiki: Why did Riff just punch you? Torg (holding his jaw): Partly because I was out of line. Mostly because I don't think he knows what a 'loofah' is. -- Gwynn (leaning over Torg with her 'mesh-bath-sponge' in his face): Technically I used a 'mesh-bath-sponge', not a loofah. Torg: **eep.** -- Torg (holding the mesh-bath-sponge Gwynn handed him): **Gulp!** | How long have you been listening, Gwynn? Gwynn (holding a baseball bat): The name is 'Perky'. | Flag | ||||
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-- (K'Z'K/Gwynn looking the other way, Riff and Torg are visible in the doorway behind her) K'Z'K/Gwynn: SHOW YOURSELF SO I CAN MASTICATE your HEART and DEVOUR YOUR SOUL! -- (Only the demon's tail remains as it moves off; Riff and Torg still in the doorway) K'Z'K/Gwynn: GRRRRRRRRR -- (Riff grinning, Torg looking skywards through Gwynn's glasses) Riff: I know I shouldn't laugh, but of all the people to possess, this demon has to pick someone who's blind as a bat without her glasses! Torg: *Wow,* that MIR space station is coming along nicely! | Flag | ||||
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- *AUNT GWYNN* (no biological relation. Just a friend of the family. Not that she's very friendly...) </strike out>AUNT</strike out> GWYNN *Important thing about Gwynn:* The Book of E-ville, a magical Tome that holds the demon called the Destroyer, is in love with Gwynn and has granted her magical powers. (Yes, the book is in love.) *Secondarily important thing:* She can't cook. She's violent. And she's blind as a bat without her mega-prescription glasses which she neglectfully left in the Sahara Desert after taking a grazing bullet shot to the face. -- Torg: Hey Zorg! So besides Hereti-Corp, we did other stuff lately and now have a demon called 'The Destroyer' imprisoned in a page of a magic book called the Book of E-ville! REalCAPtUReASSist AUTO-OVERLAY: DEMON CULT <K'Z'K cult logo> THREAT LEVEL: <3 red skull & bones> -- Torg (angrily tearing up): And now a cult of Destroyer-worshipping demons wants to find us and free him so he can destroy the world! | And if the world is destroyed, Zorg, you might never exist at all! -- Torg: Anywho the book sticks to Gwynn like glue and makes her magic. When we were escaping the demons Gwynn cast a spell that teleported us here, to her childhood home in New Jersey! REalCAPtUReASSist AUTO-OVERLAY: <Image of New Jersey> THREAT LEVEL: <five red skull & bones> -- Torg: Hey Zorg, I know that even in the future Jersey will get a bad rep, but it's /not deserved!/ | This big beautiful house is surrounded by woods with a beautiful view of the Pine Barrens! -- Torg (off panel): Best of all, it's the perfect hideout for us because no one knows we are here, and Gwynn's parents don't live here anymore! -- Torg: Actually nobody in the neighborhood lives here anymore! And there's no mortgage or taxes to pay! Torg: Because the soil is radioactive! -- Torg: Go Jersey. === NOTE: Hey all! I'm a Jersey Boy, born n' bred. Whereas I don't think my soil was all that radioactive, I do think parts of my town tested positive for Dioxin back in the 80's. What I'm saying is I have no idea how radioactive parts of New Jersey's soil may be, but I'm taking artistic license*. And I actually LIKE living in New Jersey. Must be something in the water. ...But what? *Like anyone who knows anything about Jersey can tell you, radioactive or not you WILL have to pay property taxes. | Flag | ||||
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Gwynn: I told you not to worry about the money tonight. Do you ever stop? -- Zoë: It's hard not to worry. I'm the only one bringing any money into the house. But you're the one going into debt to treat me to a night out. You're a great friend. -- Gwynn (thinking): Or I could just admit that the Halloween party made a ton of money this year and me and Bun-Bun pocketed it. That'd show you the kind of friend I am, Zoë. I'm horrible. -- Zoë: Hey, look. I'm sorry for dragging you down. Forget I said anything. Let's just forget our worries and party! Gwynn: You're on! -- Zoë: What the *hell* are you doing driving? You're *blind as a bat!* Gwynn: Worry, worry, worry. | Flag | ||||
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Riff (off panel): No, Kiki, you hit with /both/ weapons. Ow. Torg (untied): The lidocaine and assorted meds are in the medicine cabinet. -- Torg: We'll make a run for clothes and stuff for you in the morning. The fridge is full if you're hungry. Do you need anything? -- Zoë (leaning her chin on her hands on the handle of a baseball bat): Look, it's hard for me to accept that I've vanished from this planet for two years without aging a day. And what that means to my life. My career? My friends? I...I need time for it to sink in. -- Zoë: But what I'm *not* going to wait for is my family. You *will* find some way to break the news to them. Let them know that I'm alive but was incapable of contacting them. -- Zoë: And it has to be in a way they believe, *without* giving my mom a heart attack. Torg: We could have Bun-Bun... -- Zoë (tapping Torg on the head with the baseball bat): You will /*not*/ have them tied up while you explain things to Riff wearing janitorial supplies or colonial gear. <knok> -- Torg: Well, I'm out of ideas! You're not going to 'Gwynn' me with the baseball bat are you? Zoë: No, this is for if [sic: should be just "for"] the Cubb-Scouts. I still smell the torches. -- Zoë: They're still out there. Caption: **MOO-DUN-DUHHHHN** === NOTE: Ref: "_'Gwynn' me_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/19981115> with the _baseball bat_ <http://sluggy.info/search/?s=gwynn+bat>" | "_MOO_ <http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/19971201>-dun-duhhhhn." | Flag | ||||
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-- Riff: I got in Zoë's pants! -- <***SLAP!***> -- Riff: *Hey!* I couldn't help myself! I was staring at her butt last night! -- <***SLAP!***> -- Riff: /No-no-no!/ I noticed her one cheek looked bulgier like she had something in her back pocket so I tried to swipe it and spotted a /mini digital recorder!/ -- </Flashback> Zoë: **Did you grab my butt?** Riff: Uh.. Your cheeks looked misshapen! -- <***SLAP!***> </End flashback> -- Riff: I just swiped it from her pants in her laundry bin! <*(*)click(*)*> Gwynn's voice on the recorder: "... Behind me I heard buildings being destroyed. People screaming..." -- Gwynn (horrified): She was /taping/ us? Riff: For her radio show. Gwynn: But it makes no sense! Doesn't she realize it'll incriminate us /*all*/ in the Aylee fiasco? Riff: Hey! What a career-boost! She's *more* self-centered than /you!/ -- Riff: You know early on in life I learned to keep my mouth shut around women. I'm off my game. I think I might not be getting enough sleep. Gwynn (pulling a baseball bat out of a cookie jar): I'll help you take a nap. | Flag | ||||
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-- Riff: Can't go out tonight, Gwynn. I've got a date with Zoë. How about Sunday night? Gwynn: *****WHAT!?!?***** -- Riff: What's wrong? I mean, we never talked about dating *exclusively...* (Gwynn removes a baseball bat from her bag...; the baseball bat has the word "slugger" emblazoned on it) -- Caption: The comic strip panel that was to appear in this space has been removed due to violent content. This comic panel is rated ------- Painful P Content Rated by Kiki ------- For graphic depictions of blood, gore, and getting kicked in the ying-yangs. | Flag | ||||
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(Riff holding his laser-cannon, pointed-down) Riff: "We beat it back with our dishware and we've kept out of the dining room ever since." Frilly letters (surrounded by birds, flowers, and a smiling sun): The End </End flashback> -- Zoë (pointing at herself): Riff, I know! I was there! Why are you telling me? Riff (readying his laser cannon): Just wanted to get my facts straight for when we explain this to Torg. And now I'm off to rescue him. Torg (sticking his head out the door): Don't bother. I... Gwynn (still in her reindeer antlers, and standing ready with a baseball bat): **EYAA!** -- (Gwynn slams the baseball bat onto Torg's head) <***/WHAM!/***> -- (Zoë is holding onto Torg's shoulder, helping him; Torg holds his head, his eyes are crossed and he's emitting a hurt star; Gwynn looks sorry; and Riff is annoyed) Zoë: *What'd you do that for?* Gwynn: I'm sorry! I mixed Torg and the monster up! Riff: Sure, /*now*/ you can't tell the difference. | Flag | ||||
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-- <**JUMP!**> (Riff jumps on the chair Aylee is holding) -- <**GRAB OFF CEILING!**> -- (Riff grabs two darts off the ceiling) <**THROW**> Riff (throwing the darts): *WOH-PAH!* -- Godhounds (hit by the darts): yipe! yipe! yipe! -- Aylee: "Woh-pah"? Riff: It's a ceiling-darts thing. Never mind. --- Riff: And you're not to tell anyone you heard me say that! - <***KRAK!***> - (a Godhound flies across the room) <**RIFF DUCKS!**> -- Kiki (on Gwynn's shoulder): Gwynn, you're the best at going clubbing /ever!/ Gwynn (holding a baseball bat): These things aren't so tough. Riff: You sent that thing literally across the room and a couple of simple darts drove others away! It's like even the smallest objects can be powerful weapons here! -- Gwynn: You sound happy. Riff: I'm starting to /like/ this place! | Flag | ||||
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=== </Resume flashback> </Flashback within a flashback> Caption: YURI (Yuri on a tilting Smegway) -- <***BOOM!***> -- Noah Zark (aka Tadius Greasenherr; on a Smegway, looking behind him): **YURI! NOOOOOO** (The profile of Gwynn, sitting on the handlebars of Zoë's Smegway, is seen through the smoke - about to brain Noah with her baseball bat) </End flashback within a flashback> -- Zoë (holding on to the USB drive): Now he's... He's a squirrel? I saw him blow up! Noah: True. But there was huge chunks of Yuri left for me to vork with. And Suzette. You remember Suzette? Noah: You somehow broke her back and left her paralyzed. Say hi, Suzette! (There is something plugged in to the wall by Zoë's feet; to her right, is a hanging birdcage, with an open door, host to a shadowy figure with evil eyes; to her left is a shelf that Yuri, holding a gun pointed at her, is sitting on; the pun demon is taped to Noah's desk) -- </Flashback within a flashback> (Suzette in a martial arts pose) Caption: SUZETTE -- Suzette (holding Zoë above her head and about to toss her): BACK BREAKER! Gwynn: /*Shupid!*/ -- <***Poof***> (Zoë turns into a camel...) -- (...crushing Suzette in the process) <***WHUMP***> -- Yuri: Tadius! Suzette is crepe! </End flashback within a flashback> -- Suzette (aka Corsica #44; leaping from the birdcage and sucker punching Zoë in the face): SUCKER-PUNCH! -- Suzette: COLLAPSING-LEG KICK! -- Noah: But vith Gothka, there vas hardly anythink to vork vith at all! (Knocked on the ground, a horrified Zoë looks at an approaching creature with a fluffy-ish tail surrounded by flies and dragging a sword along the ground) <skriiitchh> -- </Flashback within a flashback> Caption: GOTHKA -- Gothka (transliterated from cyrillic): Aiee! Laska Kusaiet menya za loduizhki!* *"Ouch! A ferret is beating me about the shins!" Kiki (wapping Gothka about the shins with a baseball bat): I'm winning! <**WAPPITY WAPPITY**> <*HOP, HOP*> -- Gothka (falling backwards onto the train tracks): /*YEAAAAH!*/ Zoë (off panel): /*Kiki! Get off the tracks!*/ Kiki (dropping the bat): /*Coming!*/ -- Train: ***HERRRRRRR**** Kiki (from Zoë's shoulder): I won! *I won!* Zoë (as she and Gwynn lead Torg and Riff, still tied up, away from the tracks): Let's go home. </End of flashback within a flashback> -- (A creature begins to emerge from the shadows...) -- (...farther into the light...) -- (...the creature emerging from the shadows resembles a ratty ferret, perhaps a weasel, or meerkat??, dressed like Gothka...) -- Gothka: *****REEEEEE**** -- Zoë (terrified): *****AAAAAA***** </Pause flashback> | Flag | ||||
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-- Gwynn: I don't do well with the divination stuff. Bun-Bun: Teresa was bugging me too, but at least I figured out her game. -- Gwynn: You don't need a crystal ball for that! Teresa is as madly in love with Torg as Zoë is, for some dumb reason. I mean, seriously, /what is *going on?*/ Bun-Bun (grooming himself): Teresa's not in love, she just likes to steal things. Now she wants to steal Nerd-Boy from Zoë. -- Gwynn: Thank /*God!*/ That makes me less inclined to help her even if it is for Zoë's own good, but at least the world makes sense again. -- Bun-Bun (annoyed): "Makes sense?" The certified Queen of Diamonds thinks Nerd-Boy's the most valuable treasure in this place. -- Bun-Bun (leaving): What does that make us? <*Poing*> -- (Gwynn sulks in revelation...) | Flag | ||||
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-- Gwynn (driving; talking to hands-free wireless): I can take care of myself. You need that Book because of the Bed and Breakfast. Any news there? Zoë (off panel; over the phone): No, it's business as usual. Gwynn: Well, /hell is coming/ to the Oceanus B&B sooner or later. You'll /*need*/ the Book to fight the demons. -- Gwynn (off panel; over the phone): What /(*)I(*)/ need, though, is some more travel funds. You said last call that money's a problem? Zoë: Money's a little tight lately, that's all. -- Torg/Ozzid: I'm placing down "spleen" getting a /*triple-hog score*/ off the bat! Kiki: /*Oooo!*/ I have a spleen! Frog: Triple... "hog?" I thought we were playing Scrabble? -- Torg/Ozzid (holding up the game lid): No, we're playing *Scrapple!* It's like Scrabble, but all your words must be pig related, but no part you'd actually want to eat. Game Lid: SCRAPPLE | HEADS TAILS (crossing through the A) | Why not both? -- Caption: A short time later: Words on the game board: BUTT | TROTTERS | OFFAL | LIPS | SPLEEN | TRIPE -- Frog (looking dubious): I find this game unpalatable. Kiki: Anyone want to play Chutes and Haggis? Torg/Ozzid: *We're playing this right to the /bitter end!/ === NOTE: Not a ref, but a warning. Google 'scrapple' at your own risk. I grew up with it, and for the record, I'm an occasional fan, but I have no illusions.... | Flag |
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